


Problems within the family

by Marvel_girl109



Series: Post-Civil War Fanfictions [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers hiding out in England, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Cassie Lang Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Depression, F/M, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Post-Captain America: Civil War, Team Cap - Freeform, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Worst Roadtrip of Tony's life, because why not?, craziness, fuck the government
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 07:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 36,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12031104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel_girl109/pseuds/Marvel_girl109
Summary: Three months after the events of Captain America Civil War, Tony Stark is dragged back into the Avengers messy lives.





	1. Chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets a call from the last person he thought would call him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm really excited about this fanfiction. I have some great chapters and relationships planned. So make sure you stick around! 
> 
> I will be posting chapters as often as I can. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this.

Tony looked out the window and took pleasure in the serenity of things around him.

He breathed in the fresh air from the open window and listened to the peaceful rustle of the trees outside. 

The flashing red light from the clock on his bedside table strangely soothed him, reminding him where he was. That he was safe. 

He rubbed a hand over his face. Once his breathing had slowed down, he perched on the edge of his bed. Adrenaline was still coursing through his body though. 

He tried desperately to ignore the thoughts going through his head and block out the nightmare he had just had. 

However, every time he closed his eyes, the patriotic shield would swing down and tear him apart. 

Captain America would stare down at him, his face full of anger and disappointment. That look tore into him more than the shield did. 

The worst part though is feeling like he should hate Steve or be scared of him but instead he missed him. He missed everything about him. 

He missed the company. He missed his voice. He missed the banter between them. He even missed Captain America. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he remembered his friend. He wanted his friend. No, he needed his friend. He was slowly dying without the Avengers. 

He jumped violently as a harsh noise bit through the silence. He turned to the clock. It was three in the morning. Who the fuck was calling him at three in the morning? He had some moping to do.

Tony picked his phone up from where it had fallen off the bed during his nightmare and went to answer it. No one was calling him. The noise kept cutting through his thoughts though. 

He was trying to make sense of what was happening when he glanced at his desk. It was the flip phone that Steve had sent to him that was ringing. 

He edged slowly towards the phone as though it might attack him. He would have to answer soon otherwise Steve would hang up. Did he want to speak to Steve though? 

It had been three months since what happened in Siberia. He thought he would be ready when the time came to talk to Steve. But he wasn't. Tony missed his voice, sure but actually hearing it? 

He stepped away from the phone. No. He wasn't ready. 

The phone seemed to respect his thoughts as it stopped ringing. Tony breathed a sigh of relief. He sat back down on the bed and tried to calm his shaking body. This was short lived, however, as the phone started to ring again.

Tony wanted to feel annoyed but what if Steve was in trouble and needed help? 

He ignored his shaking hands as he picked up the phone. It took a couple of seconds of heavy breathing before he could actually answer the phone. 

"Hello." He hated the way his voice sounded weak and vulnerable. 

"Tony!" That wasn't the voice he expected to hear. 

"Clint?" 

"Yeah, we need your help."

Tony didn't know what to say. Did he want to help? These people had tried to hurt him and Steve had left him for dead. But he had once cared about these people. He still did. 

"What do you need help with?" 

"It's Steve. He needs help." 

Tony started to panic. What had happened to him? 

"Please, say he hasn't done anything stupid."

"We're not sure. Look, we're wanted by the Government so we can't just go for a stroll. Steve told us about what happened between the two of you so I totally understand if you don't want to help. But you're the only one we trust to do this who isn't wanted by the Government." 

"What is it you need?" 

Clint's voice went quiet and rushed as he spoke. 

"We need you to go to Wakanda and talk to T'Challa about Barnes." 

Tony froze.

"Why?" 

"He's been frozen or some shit but he needs to be let out." 

Tony got lost in his own mind as he heard that. Free the man that killed his parents? Images of his father being beaten to death flashed into his mind. His mother being strangled. And the man who killed them looking on indifferently. 

He barely registered that he had fallen to his knees until Clint's voice broke through the memories. 

"Tony! Stark! It's alright! Just calm down. You don't have to. You don't have to do anything we say." 

Tony regained his voice. 

"Why do you want him?" 

He heard Clint sigh with relief. 

"First, are you okay?"

Tony nodded before he realised Clint couldn't see him. 

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alright. Anyway, we need him because something's happened to Cap."

Panic seeped through Tony again, consuming him.

"What's happened?" Tony asked, hurriedly. 

"It's like he's going crazy. He keeps talking to himself but it's like he's having a conversation with someone. His voice is so mumbled and fast though that we can't actually make out what he's saying." 

Was Steve hearing voices? That didn't seem quite right. Steve was one of the most controlled people he knew but then again Tony had hidden his problems for years. Still did. 

"He keeps staring into space and it takes him a while to realise someone's talking to him. Some cops recognised us at one point and came after us. The rest of us just knocked them out but he didn't stop. We couldn't make out some of their faces by the time he was done with them. It took me, Sam, Scott and Wanda, in his mind, to stop him. But worst of all are the nightmares."

Tony realised he had stopped breathing through what Clint had been saying. That wasn't like Steve at all. 

"He screams so loud that I'm surprised the Government hasn't found us yet. When we try and stop him from hurting himself, he fights back. He almost killed Sam once. He scares us all when he's like that."

It scared Tony too and he wasn't even there. He knew how bad his own nightmares made him and how scared he felt but this was insane. 

"There's nothing we can do to stop him. We just have to wait for him to wake up. And when he does, he cries and shakes. Sometimes he has panic attacks but he always asks for the same thing. For Barnes. Barnes is the only one who may be able to stop this."

Clint paused as though he was anticipating a negative response. 

"Please help us, Tony. He turns into a vulnerable little kid when he's like that, which is a lot scarier than him trying to kill us."

Tony had been silent the whole time Clint was speaking. Now that Clint had finished he let out a small noise of despair and let the tears run free again. 

"I'm sorry, Tony. I know this is hard to hear." 

"No, I'm sorry. I should be there to help you." 

"Don't blame yourself, Tony. The guy's been through a lot of scary stuff. I'm surprised this hasn't happened before now. This isn't your fault." 

He still blames himself though. 

"I'll do it. I'll go to Wakanda and free Barnes. If this is what I can do to help Steve then I'll do it." 

"Thanks, Tony. You're a lifesaver, literally. You're my hero, Stark," Clint joked. 

Tony smiled despite himself. 

"I'm always ready to save damsels in distress, Barton." 

"Fuck you, Stark," Clint laughed. 

Tony couldn't help but laugh as well. 

"I'll be there in a couple of days at most." 

"I'll text you where we are." 

"Thanks, Clint." 

"See you later, then." 

Clint hung up the phone. 

Tony took a deep breath and realised he was still on his knees. He shakily got to his feet. 

"FRIDAY, ready the jet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone sees any spelling mistakes and especially punctuation mistakes (I'm known for them), don't hesitate to tell me. 
> 
> I also appreciate critisism if anyone has any. Don't be horrible about my work though. If you don't like it, don't read it.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony arrives in Wakanda and confronts Bucky.

"Boss, we're ten minutes out."

Tony jumped when FRIDAY spoke. Had it really been that long already?

"Thanks, FRIDAY."

Tony leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath before opening them again.

The few hours ride to Wakanda had gone by so quickly that Tony was actually scared. Scared because he didn't remember anything that happened during that time.

He had been so caught up in his own head that he had been sitting in the same seat for hours on end doing nothing.

Huh. That's new.

Tony got up from his seat and decided to take a walk. Or at the very least, pace around the jet.

He didn't remember much of what he was thinking about the whole time but he did know it revolved around one thing. Well, two things really. Steve and Barnes.

He took in a shaky breath at their names and sat back down in the same seat he had been for hours. 

He was very conflicted about what he should be feeling for those two, especially Barnes. On one hand, he killed Tony's parents and left him with no one but on the other hand, Barnes had been manipulated by HYDRA and Tony wouldn't wish what happened to Barnes on anyone.

The anger Tony felt about his mother's death was still there and would always be there but he knew it wasn't really Barnes's fault. However, whenever Tony tries to convince himself of that, the image of Barnes strangling the life out of his mother comes to the forefront of his mind.

And of course, there was Steve. Although Tony was the most conflicted about Barnes, he didn't know him. He knew Steve and that made his life even worse.

Pain ripped through Tony's stomach at the memory of Steve. Tears fought their way out of Tony's eyes. He hurt so much. Not just with physical pain.

There seemed to be a weight pressing down on his heart, slowly killing him. He sighed (which sounded more like a sob) and looked out the window.

"How far away are we, Fri?"

"Two minutes, boss."

Tony pushed everything to the back of his mind and prepared to leave the jet. He would cry about this later, when there was nothing to interrupt him. 

*****

"It's good to see you again, Stark," T'Challa said politely but there was a hint of displeasure in his voice. No doubt he was thinking about the last time they were all together.

"You too, Your Highness."

T'Challa waved towards the building behind the jet, motioning for Tony to follow him. Tony fell into step beside the King.

"Just out of interest, do you know why I'm here?"

T'Challa nodded. "Barton rang ahead of you and told me about the situation. Barnes is already being defrosted as we speak. You won't need to stay long."

"Good."

The rest of their journey was in silence. Tony wasn't aware of where he was going as he thought back to the conversation he had had with Clint.

It had already crossed his mind that this might be a trick and they were planning to hurt him again. Except this time they would tear him apart.

But surely they wouldn't do that to him. They weren't Tony's biggest fans but they were friends once.

Tony had never heard Clint sound so worried before. He also noticed that there was a hint of something else behind Clint's voice. He was sure it was fear.

The situation must be really serious if Clint admitted he was scared. Master spies like Clint don't admit vulnerabilities like that, especially to people they don't trust.

But then again, Clint had also said that he trusted Tony with this mission. Something wasn't right about this situation.

And, why would Clint call T'Challa and risk giving away where he is hiding to Wakanda and potentially the Government?

Tony sighed, deciding to give up trying to understand anything.

He jumped as he walked into a wall. He quickly recovered and turned to see T'Challa watching him with a small smile on his face.

"You can wait in here for Barnes. He will be with you shortly."

Tony then noticed that there was a door beside him. He opened it and made his way inside. It was a small hotel room.

"Thanks, T'Challa."

T'Challa left promptly after that. Tony was left alone in the hotel room. He shut the door and went over to a tray that was on the desk. He picked up a packet of biscuits and sat down on the bed.

He got comfortable, leaning against the headboard. He was silent and motionless for twenty minutes. His mind was surprising blank. He had just started to fiddle with the still full packet of biscuits when the door opened.

He glanced toward the door and drew in a breath. T'Challa walked into the room. Beside him, Barnes was looking at his feet as though they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"I haven't explained the situation yet, Stark. I will leave you to do that. Good luck."

T'Challa nodded to Tony then turned to Barnes. Tony watched their exchange in his peripheral vision. 

T'Challa put his hand on Barnes's shoulder. He left it there until Barnes finally met his eyes. T'Challa saw something in Barnes's eyes that made him sigh.

"You have every opportunity to come back once this is over. You know you are welcome here, Barnes."

With that, T'Challa removed his hand from Barnes's shoulder and left.

Silence and awkwardness slowly built in the small hotel room. Tony wasn't sure he wanted to speak. His feelings weren't exactly under control at the moment and he didn't want to scare Barnes off by saying something he's going to regret. The guy already looked like he was going to bolt. 

Tony continued to watch him though. He was just wondering how long this awkward silence was going to last when Barnes looked up from where he had gone back to looking at his shoes.

Tony met his eyes and they stared at each other for a few minutes. Barnes's face was blank but Tony wasn't stupid. He could see the fear, suspicion and uncertainty behind his eyes.

"What do you want?" Barnes asked, quietly.

"I don't want anything."

Barnes frowned at him and crossed his arms over his chest. Tony glanced at the metal arm that was shining ominously in the light coming through the window.

"Steve..." Tony's voice cracked saying his name. He cleared his throat and started again. "Steve needs your help."

A worried look crossed Barnes's face. 

"What happened?" Barnes's voice was louder and firmer.

"Barton called me. Cap's changed. It sounds like it might be PTSD but I can't be sure. When things get really bad, apparently he asks for you. The others are scared of him. They need you to help them. Steve needs you, Barnes."

Barnes stared at him for a moment before walking to the door. Tony's eyes followed his every move. Barnes opened the door and went to walk out of it. He turned back before he disappeared from Tony's sight. He sighed impatiently when he saw Tony hadn't moved from his spot on the bed.

"Are you coming then, Stark?"


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky talk more about what's happening to Steve and how they can help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the comments and the kudos. It means a lot to me that you like my work.

Tony stared out of the window of the jet.

He never thought, in a million years, that he would be in this situation. Sitting next to Barnes on the jet was one of the most awkward and stressful things he had ever done. And they were both just sitting in silence. 

Life was so much more simple when it was just the six of them. Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow and, of course, Captain America. Life was too complicated now. 

Thor and Hulk had disappeared. His friends were in hiding. A super-soldier that killed his parents sitting next to him. And the Government getting in everyone's way.

Wasn't life grand?

Tony looked to his right to look at Barnes. Barnes was staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked, not expecting Barnes to answer.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"Maybe."

Tony gave up on conversation after that. He was just about to ask FRIDAY how far away they were from the address Clint had texted him when Barnes spoke. 

"PTSD." He muttered it under his breath but Tony heard it anyway and naturally couldn't help responding.

"Why did you say that?"

"That's what you said Steve has."

"I'm not entirely sure. I mean, I haven't seen him in three months. It just sounded like the same symptoms."

"How would you know what the symptoms of PTSD are?"

Tony looked over to see Barnes watching him. The question wasn't spiteful. He looked and sounded genuinely curious.

"I have a history with it. We used to live together."

Barnes looked away from him but Tony could have sworn he saw a small smile on his face at Tony's joke.

"How long has he had those symptoms?"

"Who?" Tony asked.

Barnes sighed. "Steve. How long has Steve had the symptoms of PTSD?"

Tony opened his mouth to answer. And stopped. Clint hadn't said anything about how long.

"Barton didn't say, did he?"

"No. He only told me what's going on."

"Tell me what he said."

Tony recalled everything that Clint had told him. Barnes didn't interrupt while he was talking.

Once he had finished, he waited for Barnes to say something. He didn't say anything though.

"So..." Tony prompted.

"Something's not right."

"Believe me, I've been telling myself the same thing since Clint called me."

"PTSD doesn't just happen for no reason. Apparently you would know that."

Tony scoffed. "Fuck you."

"Has Steve been through any traumatic events while I've been asleep?"

"I'm the wrong person to ask that question to, Robocop."

They were silent for a few moments. During that time, a horrible thought popped up in Tony's mind.

"Oh my God," he murmured to himself, not realising he had spoken out loud.

"What?" Barnes said, distractedly, sounding like he wasn't really listening.

"This could have been happening for years."

"What do you mean?" Barnes said, listening fully now.

"He could have been having problems for years. Ever since they found him in the ice. Nick Fury told me that he would spend hours in the gym murdering punch bags. Natasha told me that he is up at times that shouldn't exist in the morning and goes jogging for hours. I always just assumed that he didn't need to sleep as much as normal people because of the serum. He always seemed to be the most put together and in control guy of the whole group."

"Just because he's not sleeping much doesn't mean anything."

"I know that but what if he's been having these problems for a while. And we had no idea so we didn't help." Tony was feeling guiltier by the second.

"Maybe."

"I don't get how we didn't notice that."

"I doubt you would have noticed."

"What do you mean?"

"I know what it's like to have... problems. The only way I could ignore them was putting everything into my missions. During missions, I had something to think about that wasn't my problems. I didn't need to worry about HYDRA finding out because straight after my missions I was put into cryo freeze and had my memory wiped. There were times in between missions and cryo where I would feel lost and would feel all the things I've done creeping up on me, threatening to overwhelm me." 

Barnes had a straight face while he was speaking but his eyes betrayed the pain he felt.

"If Steve had had problems for years then he could have hidden it in his work. It would make sense. Whenever I talk to Captain America, it's almost like he's a completely different person. Not my best friend. From what I've heard, he seems to throw himself into a mission every other day. At night, when he is alone, he has nothing to distract him. All the memories of the war, the ice and what he sees on his missions probably overwhelms him."

Tony knew there was sense in what Barnes was saying but he didn't want to believe it. 

"I know you don't want to believe it," Barnes said, reading his mind, "but I've known Steve longer than you have. He has a habit of hiding his problems so people don't worry about him. Being ill a lot when he was kid means he got used to people looking at him with sympathy and pity. He used to hate it."

Tony sighed. "What are we going to do?" 

"Talk to him. Find out what's wrong. Then we'll figure out what to do." 

Barnes's voice was so definitive and strong that Tony didn't bother arguing. He saw the concern and the need to protect his friend on Barnes's face. Tony smiled to himself. 

He was glad that Steve had someone who cared about him so much, growing up. Tony was grateful to have Rhodey growing up. Some people didn't have good friends that cared for them. 

Tony was brought violently out of his thoughts when the jet shook. Barnes got to his feet looking around, his eyes turning blank as he searched for danger. 

Tony knew what it was. The beeping in the cockpit alerted him. He glanced out the window and sure enough ten planes were flying around them. 

"Shit." Tony muttered. 

FRIDAY told him what he already knew and asked Tony what she should do. Tony didn't know. 

He recognised that they were Government planes but why were they after him. The Government didn't have any problem with him, did they? 

Then it occured to him that it probably wasn't him they were after. He looked over at Barnes who was sitting in the cockpit now. Somehow they knew that Barnes was on the jet. But how? 

"Stark! How do I get control of this fucking thing?" 

Tony ran to the cockpit. "FRIDAY, hand control over to Barnes. Let him fly." 

The jet responded to what Barnes was doing. Barnes flew the plane, expertly away from the Government planes. Tony breathed a sigh of relief. He looked out the window and couldn't see the planes behind them any more. 

The plane came to a sudden stop. The force threw Tony to the ground. 

"Barnes, what the fuck?" 

He picked himself up off the ground and stood behind Barnes. He saw why Barnes had stopped. The Government planes were back. They had ambushed them from the front and were now making there way around the whole jet, blocking them in. 

"What do we do?" Tony asked. 

Barnes didn't answer. He was watching the planes very closely.

Something caught Tony's eye as he looked out the window in front of him. One of the planes was opening and they were soon face to face with a missile. 

"Shit." Tony repeated. 

"Shit, indeed." Barnes responded. He was watching the missile that had just been let free. Tony could almost hear the cogs turning in Barnes's brain as he tried to think of a way to get them out of there. 

"Why did I leave the Iron Man suit at home again?" Tony thought. 

The missile was heading straight for them. Tony didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could do. He was going to die next to the man who killed his parents. 

The missile was seconds away from hitting them. Tony closed his eyes, waiting for the missile to hit. 

He felt Barnes grab his arm, a huge bang shot through his head like a knife and everything went dark.


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky reflects on what Tony has said and wonders how he can ever make it up to Tony after what he has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the cliffhanger last chapter. I'm a horrible person aren't I! :)
> 
> There is torture in this chapter. If you don't like torture or if this triggers you then I recommend only reading the first few paragraphs up to "When he looked up, Bucky found himself in a small room". Please make the right choice.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy! :)

Bucky coughed up the water that was in his lungs. 

It was lucky for them that the plane had been flying over water when it was blown up. 

Bucky had noticed that when he was flying but he knew that they would have to jump at the last second otherwise the Government would chase after them and they would have less chance of surviving. 

He shook his wet hair out of his face and sighed. Fuck the Government, seriously! 

Bucky sighed again. He was currently sitting in some tall grass in soaking wet clothes. He had a horrific headache and his muscles felt stiff. 

His body would heal within a few minutes so he wasn't worried. He was more worried about Stark. 

Bucky looked down at the grass to his right. Stark was laying unconscious. Bucky had a hand on Stark's shoulder to make sure that he stayed on his side so he wouldn't choke on any water that he tried to cough up.

Bucky felt a wave of anger towards the Government. Bucky had managed to move quickly enough to jump out of the plane and pull Stark with him, without them being blown up. That didn't stop the debris from raining down on them. 

A particularly large part of the plane smacked Stark on the head when they fell. For one terrifying second, Bucky thought that Stark was dead, especially when he didn't emerge from the water after they fell. 

Bucky had found him and pulled him up within seconds and swam him to the coast. Thankfully, Stark was still breathing when they reached the long grass and was already coughing up the water in his lungs. He hadn't woken up though. 

Bucky was confident that he would so he had just settled beside him and waited.

It gave him time to think. 

Bucky sighed again. He'd been doing that a lot during these past few stressful minutes.

He looked down at Stark again and felt a rush of gratitude towards him. He was grateful that Stark hadn't brought up his parents. Bucky didn't think that he wanted to have that conversation with him. 

Stark was strangely being nice to him. Not treating him like the murderer he is. 

Bucky didn't deserve it. He had taken everything away from this man. He didn't deserve anything from Stark. He didn't deserve to be helped by anyone. 

He had murdered hundreds of innocent people who were just in HYDRA's way.

"Why is my life so shit?" He asked himself. 

Guilt threatened to overwhelm him as he thought back to what he had done. Bucky knew it wasn't his fault and he had had no control over his actions but he saw that as an excuse. A way for people not to blame him.

He remembered everything he had done. The blood. The screams. The helpless cries. The laughter from the HYDRA team he was with at the time.

But the one thing that made him want to throw up when he looked back, was himself. 

The way that he had just silently executed hundreds of people. Never hesitating. Never questioning. Never feeling anything.

Bucky felt a tear roll down his cheek. He angrily brushed it away. He couldn't help the endless stream of tears from falling though as his surroundings started to fade.

When he looked up, Bucky found himself in a small room. It was empty except from a chair and the people in the room. 

A man was tied to the chair. Bucky recognised him immediately as someone who used to work for HYDRA. Until he betrayed HYDRA. 

The fear of the memory hit Bucky full force but he was unable to do anything. He panicked as he realised his body was moving on it's own. 

No. He didn't want to see this again. He couldn't relive this. 

No matter how hard he tried to resist what his own body was doing, it never worked.

He watched horrified as he moved over to the other people in the room. A young woman and three kids were staring back at him. A sleeping baby was in the woman grasp.

He tried to scream as he reached for the youngest child. A boy no older than three. Oliver, he dimly recalled.

The man in the chair started to shout.

"Please, I'll give you anything you want. Just don't hurt my family."

Bucky didn't listen as he dragged the child away from his family. The boy was crying silently, terrified.

"I want the names of the people you gave HYDRA's information to." Bucky said, his voice emotionless.

The man was torn. "I can't! Please!"

Bucky looked down at Oliver. It took less than a second to break the boy's neck. As Oliver fell to the ground, the other children started to scream. The woman was just staring at her broken son in shock.

"I want their names." Bucky repeated.

When the man didn't respond, Bucky made his way back over to the family.

"Please." The man whispered, voice filled with grief.

This time, Bucky snatched the baby from the woman's arms. She screamed and tried to fight him but he just pushed her away. 

She wasn't the only one who tried to fight back though. The oldest child, a boy of about thirteen, got to his feet. When the boy tried to reach for his baby sister, Bucky knocked him straight back down onto the ground. 

The boy, Kieran, let out a scream of fury and got straight back up.

"Let my family go!" Kieran's voice was steady despite his whole body shaking. Bucky watched as behind Kieran, his eight year old sister stood up. She was crying but the glare that she gave him would make lesser men cower. 

Bucky wasn't intimidated though. He grabbed Kieran around the neck with his metal arm and squeezed. Choking noises filled the room as Kieran struggled against Bucky's unrelenting arm. 

His sister, Lana, tried to help him. She was pulling at Bucky's arm and kicking him. 

He admired these kids bravery but that didn't stop him from kicking Lana back. He heard a crack as Lana fell to the ground. She screamed. It deafened Bucky as he continue to choke the life out of Kieran. 

At Lana's scream, her mother jolted out of her shock and went running to her. When she saw there was nothing that she could do to help Lana, she threw herself at Bucky to knock him over.

Bucky didn't even flinch. He let go of Kieran and grabbed her instead. He smashed her head into the wall. Bucky heard another crack fill the room and watched as the woman fell to the ground, blood pouring from her head.

He turned straight back around and clutched Kieran's neck again. He lifted Kieran off his feet and pressed a foot to Lana's leg that he had broken. 

A terrified scream rang out as he pushed down harder on her leg. Bucky turned to look at the man in the chair. 

"If you tell me the names of the people you gave the information to, I will let your children go."

"Daddy, please!" Lana shouted. 

Kieran had stopped struggling, falling limp in Bucky's grip.

"Okay, okay! Their names are Daniel Hawthorn and Roger Triton. Now please, let them go."

Bucky dropped Kieran and took his foot off of Lana's leg. She breathed out a sigh of relief. Kieran drew in a huge breath and started to cough at the sudden oxygen his lungs were getting.

Bucky looked down at the baby that was still in his arms. Tilly, her name was. He walked over to the man in the chair. He snapped the restraints with his metal arm and then passed Tilly to her father. 

Bucky walked to the door and turned back around. He watched as the man held Tilly tightly against his chest and then stumbled his way over to his other daughter. Kieran had recovered but instead of going over to his father and sisters, he kneeled next to his dead younger brother. Oliver's blank eyes stared back at him.

Bucky stood as still as a statue. Then, with no warning, pulled out his gun and shot the three remaining children.

The man screamed and stiffened with the shock of what just happened.

"That's what happens when you betray HYDRA."

Bucky pulled the trigger one final time. 

He blinked and his surroundings changed again. He was once again sitting in the long grass with Stark beside him.

He drew in a shaky breath and closed his eyes. Bucky felt Stark shift on the ground next to him.

Bucky opened his eyes and barely managed to stop himself from screaming.

Kieran, Lana, Oliver and Tilly were in front of him. Standing in the long grass. Just staring at him. The more he looked at them, however, the more he felt the urge to scream. 

Kieran, Lana and Tilly all had bullet wounds in their heads that were slowly oozing blood. Kieran, who was holding Tilly, dropped her. Tilly's dead eyes still watched him from the ground. Kieran was steadily turning paler. Lana was turning pale as well. As he watched, Lana started to almost fold in on herself, as though all her bones were being snapped. Oliver was the worst, in his opinion. His neck was twisted at an unnatural angle and blood was flowing like a river out of his mouth.

Bucky started to hyperventilate while he panicked.

Thankfully, that was the moment Stark chose to open his eyes.


	5. Chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony calls Clint to tell him that they will be extremely late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm really sorry for the gap between the last chapter and the one before. I will try and update more often. 
> 
> Also, before you begin, I just want to thank all the people who left kudos and comments. I feel really embarrassed though because I meant to reply to the comments but, I will admit, I completely forgot to do it. Therefore, I will try and reply to every comment from now on.

Tony opened his eyes slowly. His head was killing him.

His eyes felt really heavy. He couldn't be bothered to open them but the sound of someone breathing funny forced him to open his eyes.

He felt someone's hand on his shoulder. The hand was shaking though. It was shaking so much that it was moving Tony.

He slowly lifted his arm to knock the hand off and shield his eyes against the light of the setting sun.

He realised he was shivering as he sat up. His wet clothes stuck annoyingly to his skin. Wait... wet clothes?

When had Tony gone swimming? Where even was he?

Shit! Barnes! Tony hurriedly looked around for him and then felt immensely stupid when he realised that Barnes was literally sitting next to him.

His embarrassment was short lived as he saw the look on Barnes's face.

Barnes was staring at something that Tony couldn't see. He was so still and his face held such fear and pain that Tony thought 'petrified' was the right word to describe the look on Barnes's face.

Tony gently put a hand on Barnes's flesh arm. When he didn't respond, Tony shook his arm.

"Barnes!"

Barnes jumped at Tony's voice. He looked straight at Tony and then back to where he had been looking before.

He didn't seem to find anything there so he looked back at Tony.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Are you?"

Barnes didn't answer. "How's your head?"

"Painful. What was that about?"

Barnes didn't answer again. Tony felt him shaking under his hand. He squeezed Barnes's arm. 

"Barnes?" 

Barnes looked away from him. Tony was surprised to see tears fall down his cheeks. 

"It was just... old memories." 

Barnes glanced back at Tony before getting to his feet. Tony followed him up and looked around. 

"Where are we?" Tony asked. 

"I'm not sure."

Tony then noticed the wreckage of his jet. 

"Fuck that!" He shouted.

Barnes sighed and started to walk away from him. Tony hurried to catch up with him so that he wasn't left on his own.

"Where are you going?"

"Looking for a sign. Hopefully, it will give us some indication of where we are."

That was a good idea and Tony was a bit annoyed that he hadn't thought of it first.

While he looked around, Tony decided to press the issue a few minutes ago, because what's the worst that could happen?

"So, are you actually going to tell me about those old memories or will I be left guessing?"

"You should call Barton," Barnes said, completely ignoring the fact that Tony had spoken. "He should know that we might be a few days late."

Tony decided to give up but definitely not forget that conversation. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

His phone wouldn't turn on. 

"Why am I soaking wet?" He asked Barnes.

"Because we landed in water when we jumped off the plane."

"I don't remember that."

"No, I don't suppose you do considering that you were unconscious."

Tony huffed and put his broken phone back in his pocket. 

"How the fuck am I supposed to call Barton now, Einstein?"

Tony stomped through the long grass, angrily flattening it. What could he say? It was in his way. And nothing should get in Tony Stark's way when he is annoyed.

"You could always use the telephone booth over there."

Tony looked up and spotted the telephone booth. He noticed the smirk on Barnes's face and gave him a middle finger in the face. He stomped over to the booth.

He got in and prayed that it still worked. Then prayed that he remembered Clint's number correctly.

He put some money in and frowned when the machine spat the money back out.

"Hey, Stark!" He heard Barnes call.

Tony opened the booth door and saw that Barnes had his back to him.

"What?"

"Where is the address that Barton gave you?"

"Cornwall, South West England. Why?"

"Because this sign suggests we're in Dover."

Of course they were on the other side of the fucking country.

Tony dug some twenty pence coins out of his pocket and counted out 60p. He just knew he would need this money at some point. He put the money in and waited.

The machine took the money so he dialled Clint's number.

"Please say I have the number right."

Tony waited for what felt like hours before someone finally picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Clint said, cautiously.

"Clint, it's Tony."

"Hey. Why aren't you using your phone? Is everything alright?"

"Well, I've got Barnes. But on our way to you we had a fun little adventure involving the Government blowing up my most beloved jet. We're both alright, except for my massive headache, but we're in goddamn Dover. So it might take us a little bit longer to get to you."

"Oh my God," Clint said, shocked. "I'm sorry, Tony. I should have known that something like that would..."

"Hey!" Tony interrupted. "You're the damsel in this story, not me. I'm completely fine. I just have to rescue you a bit later than I originally planned."

"You're so full of shit, Stark." Clint laughed. 

Tony scoffed. "You're just now figuring that out?"

Clint laughed again. "How are you planning to get down here?"

"I'm sure Barnes will think of something, like stealing a car. Which I do not condone but will helpfully be turning the other way when that happens."

Clint snorted then Tony heard him talking to someone else on the other end of the phone.

"Listen. I've got to go, Tony. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. Wait!"

"What?"

"I just want to ask, why Cornwall?"

"You never been to Cornwall, Tony? Well, it's quiet. Mostly farmland. Nothing around for miles. And who would look for us here in England?"

"Good point."

"Anyway, I really got to go, Tony. Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I'll see you later."

"See you."

Clint hung up the phone. Tony left the phone booth and looked around for Barnes.

He was sitting in the driver's seat of a presumably stolen car.

"You don't waste any time do you?"

"Are you coming?" Barnes asked, impatiently.

Tony walked to the left side of the car and froze when he saw no steering wheel.

Oh yeah. England.

Tony made his way to the right side of the car where Barnes sat behind the steering wheel.

"I'm driving."

"Why? I know the way to Cornwall from here."

"Of course you do but still, I'm driving."

Barnes huffed as he got out of the car and stomped round to get in the passenger's seat.

Tony settled into the driver's seat and looked at where all the controls were so he could familiarise himself with them.

"Do you know the way to Cornwall?" Barnes asked as he got in the car and folded his arms.

"It can't be that hard. It's as far west as you can go. I'm sure we'll get there."

"Do you even know which way is west?"

"Well, it's obviously not that way." Tony said, pointing to the ocean behind them.

Barnes sighed but didn't say anything more.

Tony almost screamed with frustration as he managed to stall the car without even pulling away.

"Not a word." Tony glared at Barnes who was trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?"

"I can drive, you dickhead. It's not my fault you stole the shittiest car in the world."

"It's less conspicuous."

Tony started the car again and he almost cheered as it started to move.

"Now starts the crappiest road trip of my life!"


	6. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint's POV. We get to join team Cap to find out what's happening.

"Anyway, I really got to go, Tony. Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I'll see you later."

"See you."

Clint hung up the phone and put it into his pocket.

"Who was that?" Scott asked. He had entered the room at the end of the conversation with Tony and was now looking at Clint with suspicion in his eyes.

Clint sighed. "I should just tell him my plan," Clint thought. "He won't like it though."

"I called Tony and asked him to help us." Clint told Scott.

"Why?" He said, sounding curious.

"Because we need Barnes and Tony was the only one who would be able to let him free and bring him here."

"What about Black Widow?"

"When she answers my calls, I'll consider it."

Clint and Scott stood in silence for a moment.

"When will they get here?" Scott said, sounding resigned.

"Sometime tomorrow, hopefully. They had a run in with the Government which slowed them down."

Scott looked out the window and watched the setting sun descend over the horizon.

"How is Cap doing?" Clint asked.

"He's finally asleep. Sam's with him, just in case."

Clint walked over to the window and looked up to see stars starting to appear in the sky. After a few moments, Scott joined him.

"I'm worried about him."

Scott didn't need to ask who Clint was talking about.

"We all are."

"This isn't like Steve though. And it just came out of nowhere. It's strange. Part of me says 'how did we miss it?' and the other part of me says 'we're dealing with something else here'."

"What do you mean by 'something else'." Scott asked with a frown on his face.

"PTSD doesn't just come out of nowhere and nothing like this has ever happened before as far as I know. Why would this suddenly happen now?"

"So you think that someone did this to him?"

Clint's answer was cut short as Wanda entered the room.

"Sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's fine." Clint said. He smiled at her. "We were just talking about Cap."

Wanda nodded. "I've been in his head so many times now but it still tears me apart to go in there."

Clint shivered as he imagined how much of a mess Steve's mind must be right now. 

Wanda went over to the kitchen sink that was in the adjoining kitchen. Clint watched her go from his spot by the window in the living room.

"Scott?" Wanda called out.

"Yeah."

"Did you say that your family is arriving tomorrow?"

Clint was grateful for the change of topic.

"Yeah," Scott replied. "Hope and Cassie will be here tomorrow."

"I can't wait to meet them." Wanda said, coming back into the living room with a glass of water.

"Neither can I," Clint said. "Although I have to ask, why did you invite your family here again, considering everything that's going on with Cap?"

"Well, maybe some company, that isn't us, will do him some good. Everyone always ends up liking Cassie more than me anyway. Also, I feel kind of guilty for getting arrested again so I want to make it up to her. And I can't do that if she's in America and I'm in England."

"Fair enough." Although Clint couldn't wait to meet Scott's family (especially his daughter as he had heard lots of stories about her and liked her already), it also added to his anxiety. By the look on Scott's face, it probably added to his as well.

Hope and Cassie were two more people that Clint now had to worry about getting hurt when Steve goes off the rails. He put that thought out of his mind for now. There was no use worrying yet.

"Maybe you should invite your family." Scott said, looking at Clint.

"I'm not sure about that."

"Why not?"

"I was out with my kids when I got the call that dragged me into this mess. I was supposed to take them water skiing but had to take them back home. I don't think they want to see me at the moment."

"Surely they would want to know you're okay?" Wanda asked.

Clint shrugged. "I called Laura as soon as we got out of the Raft. And anyway we're already struggling with accommodation in this house. We don't need more people filling up the small space we have."

"This place isn't that small," Scott argued. "I like it. The quiet. It's cosy here."

Clint smiled at Scott. He agreed with him. 

Clint looked back out the window and hoped Tony would hurry up and get there. 

As he turned back around to face Scott and Wanda, a scream filled the silence.

All three of them looked up at the ceiling and shivered.

"Looks like Sam might need our help."


	7. Chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get an up close look at what's happening with Steve.

Clint, Scott and Wanda climbed the stairs as quickly as possible. Wanda had put down her drink and pushed the door open, her hands glowing with her magic.

Clint walked straight over to the bed where Steve was laying.

Steve's eyes were closed. He was shaking and looking like he was trying to reach out for someone. His face was so pale it looked white. 

Sam was by Steve's side but standing just out of range in case Steve lashed out.

Sam was shaking too and watched helplessly as Wanda's magic entered Steve's mind.

"No!" Steve shouted as the red wisps disappeared from sight, now wriggling around in Steve's brain.

Sam, Clint and Scott watched as both Steve and Wanda started to cry. Steve was also whimpering. He seemed to be saying something but he was too quiet to hear.

Wanda closed her eyes in concentration.

After a moment, Steve's eyes opened. Wanda took a step back with a gasp.

At the same time, Steve's shaking and crying became more pronounced. He sat up in his bed and curled his arms around his legs which he had brought up to his chest. He buried his face in his arms.

Clint went and sat by Steve's side. He put a careful arm around his shoulders. Steve stiffened at the contact at first but after a few seconds, he leant into Clint.

Clint held him while he cried without saying a word. Everyone else was silent, just watching with concern.

After about ten minutes, Steve's crying died down but he was still shaking harder than ever.

Steve lifted his head and looked at Sam, Scott and Wanda. Then looked to the side, at Clint.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, almost inaudibly. Clint heard him because he was sitting right next to him but he doubted the others did.

Clint suddenly felt a wave of anger towards Steve.

"You don't need to be sorry for this Steve. You can't help it. We all understand, trust me. And don't you dare think for a minute that we are going to abandon you. We will help you until the day we die. Do you hear me?"

Steve nodded. Clint saw relief in his eyes. Apparently that had been exactly what Steve had wanted to hear. Which he was glad about because if it wasn't then he would have been thrown across the room by now.

"You want to tell me about this dream?" Clint asked. Fear was in Steve's eyes now as he hurriedly shook his head, his eyes wide.

Although Clint thought that it would be a good idea for Steve to talk about his dreams and his feelings, he was no therapist. And he never wanted to be one. 

"Okay then. We should talk about tomorrow. Do you know what's happening tomorrow?"

Steve shook his head. Clint glared over at Scott who turned red.

"We're going to get to meet Tic Tac's family." Sam said, sitting down on the bed.

Steve looked at Sam and frowned. "Why?"

"Scott feels guilty about leaving his daughter behind."

Steve looked up at Scott who had somehow turned even redder than he already was. Clint laughed at the sight.

"You look like a fucking beetroot, Scott."

"Language." It was so quiet that Clint wasn't sure he had heard it but there was a tiny smile on Steve's face that suggested he did say it.

Clint grinned and laughed some more. He could feel that Steve was starting to stop shaking.

"Anyway, I've heard some great things about Hope and Cassie. I hope they live up to what you've been saying about them, Scott."

"They'll be even better than your expectations."

Clint didn't doubt for a second that Scott was wrong. 

"Cassie can't wait to meet you, Cap. She is obsessed with Captain America now. Not so much Hawkeye though." 

Clint squinted his eyes and was about to send a retort Scott's way when he heard Steve's response. 

"She'll be disappointed." 

Clint could feel the shaking coming back. 

"No, she won't," Clint assured him. "She'll love you. Just like everyone else who meets you does." 

Steve didn't look confident about that. 

Clint sighed and removed his arm from Steve's shoulders. He got up off the bed and then turned back to Steve. 

"Come on, man. Try and get some more sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow." 

Steve slowly slid down the bed and pulled the covers up so that they were almost over his head. 

Clint reached down and stroked Steve's hair, slowly, a couple of times. Steve leant into the touch and after a few moments, his eyes closed and his breathing slowed. He had completely stopped shaking now. 

Clint left the room after looking back at Steve one last time. Scott followed him out. 

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be." Scott whispered. 

Clint nodded. He was glad it hadn't been worse. It had already happened once that day. It didn't need to happen again. 

After saying goodnight, Clint headed to his room and lay in bed. He didn't bother to get undressed. He didn't have the energy for it. 

He closed his eyes with only one thought in his head. How much he dreaded the next day.


	8. Chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are back with Tony and Bucky for now but not everything is going great for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post the next chapter. I had a busy weekend.

Bucky bolted upright in bed. His covers were drenched with sweat and his hair stuck to his forehead. He pushed his hair out of his eyes with his shaking hands.

"Bad dream?"

Bucky jumped and saw that Stark was awake as well. Stark was watching him with concern.

"What?" Bucky demanded. 

"You were screaming."

Bucky looked around the small hotel room they were in, trying to calm his racing heart.

"Why are you awake?" Bucky asked, ignoring what Stark had said. He found it easier to ignore his problems than to talk about them. Talking about his problems would mean he would have to talk about his feelings which Bucky was not ready for. And he never would be.

"Same as you," Stark answered. "Bad dream. I'll tell you about mine if you tell me about yours."

Bucky shook his head. Stark sighed and laid back down in his bed. He was facing the opposite wall but Bucky knew there was a frustrated look on his face.

Maybe talking would help him. When he was with HYDRA, no one had cared about him enough to help him. Yet here Stark was, wanting to hear about his nightmares. Did that mean he cared? No, of course not. Bucky had killed his parents. He hated Bucky. Stark was just bored.

"Kieran, Lana, Oliver and Tilly. They're the names of the children of a man who used to work for HYDRA before he betrayed HYDRA."

Stark turned over in his bed to look at him. He looked Stark straight in the eye.

"I killed those children. Every time I shut my eyes, I relive their last few moments. I don't remember their parents names. Only theirs. They were the bravest children I've ever known. And I murdered them. Like I murdered your parents."

Stark had been silent all the time Bucky was speaking. His face showed no emotion. Bucky didn't know how he would react. 

Stark surprised him, however. He got up and moved over to Bucky's bed. Stark sat next to him. They weren't sitting close but the company felt nice. 

"Mine was about Siberia. Trying to kill you. Steve..." Stark seemed to lose his voice at that part.

Bucky then did something that he never thought he would do in his life. He put an arm around Stark's shoulders. Stark, funnily enough, didn't push him away. This had to be a result of the drinks they had had before going to bed.

"It's wasn't your fault." Bucky looked at Stark as the man spoke. "What you did to those kids, my parents... It's not your fault. They were controlling you. You had no choice."

"You're the last person I thought would say that to me."

"Believe me, I'm surprised too. But it's the truth. And I know that this is the one thing you have probably never heard before and will make a very awkward feels moment but..." Stark took a deep breath. "I forgive you."

Bucky froze. Did he hear that correctly? No, he had to still be asleep. Surely...

"Bucky, I forgive you."

Bucky suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to cry. A man who had suffered almost his whole life because of him had just forgiven him.

"Thank you, Tony." 

Tony looked at him and smiled. "My pleasure. I'm always available to make supersoldiers cry."

Bucky then realised that he was crying and with that revelation, he cried harder. The weight of over a thousand mistakes pushed down on Bucky's heart.

Tony didn't make any joke or even spoke at all while he waited for Bucky to calm down. Once Bucky had stopped crying, he removed Bucky's arm from his shoulders and went to get in his own bed. 

"I'll see you in the morning, Buckster."

Tony turned around in his bed so that he was facing the wall, his back to Bucky.

Bucky smiled and copied Tony.

Before sleep took him, Bucky felt the wonderful feeling of a burden being lifted off his shoulders.


	9. Chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky set off on their journey across England.

Tony sat behind the steering wheel tapping his fingers along to the beat of 'Sun Comes Up' by James Arthur that was playing on the current radio station.

Neither Tony or Bucky had brought up what happened the night before and Tony was completely fine with that. He didn't need to go through another embarrassing talk like that one ever again.

Talking to Bucky, hearing about his dreams, his crying from the pain of them and Tony forgiving him had been one of the most awkward and strange things he had ever sat through. 

Yet he still appreciated that Bucky would trust him enough to tell him something like that and to let Tony see how he really felt.

Tony could see that it had helped Bucky to talk about those things and get them off his chest. Tony glanced over at him in the passenger's seat.

A grin was on Bucky's face.

"What are you smirking at?" Tony said, jokingly.

Bucky didn't answer. Instead, he started to laugh.

Tony tried to lift one of his hands off the steering wheel and found he couldn't. The palms of his hands had been stuck to the steering wheel.

Son of a bitch.

When had Bucky done that? Tony had barely left his side all morning.

"That's what you get when you don't let me drive." Bucky snorted with laughter.

"What am I supposed to do when I need a piss?"

"You're going to have to do it in your underwear, pal."

Tony grunted in annoyance. To be honest, he saw the funny side of this but he wasn't going to let Bucky win.

"Motherfucker," he murmured to himself.

Bucky just laughed louder. Tony smiled at the sound. But now he was actually starting to need the toilet. For fuck's sake.

He managed to hold it in for about twenty minutes.

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked, innocently but there was a smirk on his face that suggested he knew Tony wasn't.

At that moment, they were stuck in traffic on some motorway and Tony was actually making the car rock from how much his body was embarrassing him.

"There's an empty Diet Coke bottle in the backseat."

"Fuck you," Tony spat.

Two minutes later, Tony said, "pass me that fucking bottle."

Bucky chuckled but reached into the back. However, once Bucky had retrieved the bottle, they both noticed a problem.

"How the ever loving shit am I supposed too hold that so I can piss into it?"

Bucky started laughing again. Tony was really not in the mood. As soon as he got this glue off his hands, he was going to tear that bastard's head off.

"Should I hold it for you?"

"Fuck that! Just get this glue off my hands!"

"The stuff to get it off is in the trunk. I promise I won't look." Tony would think he was being serious if not for the huge smirk on his face.

"I'm actually going to end up pissing myself. Get off your ass and get it from the trunk."

Bucky giggled as he opened the car door. He went and opened the boot of the car. He reached in for something, withdrew his head and then shut the boot.

At that moment, the traffic in their lane started to move again. As Bucky was walking back around to the front, Tony drove forward. Granted, the traffic had only moved a few feet but it was enough so that Bucky had to run to catch up with the car and not get in the way of the car behind them.

Tony couldn't breath for laughing when Bucky got into the car.

"Very funny." Bucky moaned but there was a small smile on his face.

Bucky got the glue off of Tony's hands and passed him the Coke bottle. Tony managed to get to the bottle just in time. Bucky had turned around so that he was looking out the window but Tony could hear his laughter.

While Tony was finishing, he reached behind him to pick up a Diet Coke bottle that he had filled with water before they left the hotel. He came up with a fantastic way to get Bucky back.

Once he had finished, Tony quickly hid the Coke bottle filled with his urine between the door and his seat.

"You can turn around now."

When Bucky turned around, Tony unscrewed the lid off the water and splashed some in Bucky's face.

The result was spectacular.

"What the fuck?" He screamed.

Tony laughed. Bucky started freaking out after that, trying to get the water off his face.

"Hey, Bucky."

"You fucking asshole." Bucky shouted at him. 

Tony slowly lifted the bottle with his urine in from it's hiding place.

Realisation dawned over Bucky's face.

"You fucking dipshit!"

Tony just laughed harder.

"I thought you had actually just thrown your piss in my face."

"That's what you get when you let me drive."


	10. Chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint tells Sam and Wanda what he has done and Hope and Cassie arrive.

Clint sat next to Scott on the sofa. They were watching Kingsman: The Secret Service. They were just witnessing rich people's heads being colourfully blown up when Sam and Wanda entered the room with lunch.

"Kingsman, huh?" Sam asked. 

"Yeah, I can't believe I've never watched it before now!" Clint said.

The four of them continued to watch the film for a few minutes when Clint noticed who was missing.

"Hey, where's Cap?"

"He wanted to take a shower. He only woke up about twenty minutes ago."

"Is he alright?"

"I think so."

Clint shuffled in his seat. He glanced out of the window. No one was around for miles. When was Tony going to get there?

"You okay there, Clint? You look a bit guilty," Sam said, with a smirk on his face.

Clint mentally berated himself.

"Uh, nothing."

"That wasn't a lie." Sam joked.

Clint and Scott shared a look. Scott nodded at him.

"Fine. Tony is coming today."

"What?" Sam and Wanda shouted, synchronised.

"Don't shout! Tony's bringing Barnes here. Hopefully, Barnes can help us figure out what's wrong with Steve and can help him get better."

"Okay, I agree it's a good idea. But why Stark? He tried to kill Barnes the last time they were together. What makes you think he won't try again? What if he makes Steve's problems worse? What if he just comes here starting fights? I don't think I can deal with fighting him at the moment, with everything that's happening."

"I trust him."

"You're putting a lot of faith in someone who got you, along with the rest of us, arrested."

Clint didn't answer. He knew that Sam was right. He had asked himself these same questions ever since he called Tony that first time.

"I trust him." Clint repeated. Sam nodded and turned back to the TV. 

They continued watching Kingsman for a few more minutes before they heard movement upstairs.

"I'll go upstairs and check on him." Wanda said. She got up from her seat and headed upstairs.

"When are your family getting here Scott?"

"I'm not sure."

As if on cue, someone knocked at the front door. Clint scoffed while Scott went to answer the door.

Clint stood up and turned the TV off.

"Finish it later?" Clint asked.

"Definitely man, I love that film." Sam replied. Sam followed Clint out into the hallway leading to the front door.

A woman with black hair was standing close to where they were standing.

"You must be Hope." Clint said, holding out his hand. Hope turned around and smiled at Clint and Sam.

"Yes, I am." She shook Clint's hand and then Sam's. "And you must be Hawkeye and the Falcon."

"Please, call me Clint."

Clint heard footsteps running towards him. He looked around Hope and saw a young girl, who was around his own daughter's age.

"Daddy, it's Hawkeye!" She squealed.

Clint knelt down so that he was level with her.

"Hi, Cassie."

She squealed again. "He knows my name!"

Clint laughed and put a thumbs up in Sam's direction. He heard Sam laugh behind him.

Clint stood up straight and motioned towards the living room.

"Please, come in."


	11. Chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a look at the mess inside Steve's head.

Steve walked into his bedroom with a towel around his waist.

He stopped by the bed. He wanted to sit down on it but felt as though he shouldn't move.

Steve lifted a hand and ran it through his hair. He blinked at his hand that was covered in water from his wet hair.

He vaguely wondered why his hair was wet when he looked down and saw the towel.

Steve didn't remember why it was there. 

He knew he should feel panicked by that but he didn't.

He didn't feel anything.

Nothing at all. As though he was floating. Was he dreaming?

Steve slowly removed the towel from his waist and set it down on the bed.

He felt the texture of the slightly rough towel under his hands and the soft texture of the carpet below his feet.

Suddenly, they didn't feel real. Steve looked around him, at his room.

Nothing looked real. Nothing felt real.

Yet he didn't feel anything. No panic. No fear. No sadness. No anything.

He ran a hand through his hair again. Even he didn't feel real.

Steve did a double take as he looked at the one thing that looked real in his room. The mirror.

Strangely, he felt drawn to it.

He walked over on shaky legs but stopped before he could look into it. 

Steve had covered it with a blanket a few weeks ago but the blanket was suspiciously gone.

He wasn't sure why he had hesitated but Steve eventually stepped forward and looked into the mirror.

Emotion hit him like a car that was going a hundred miles an hour.

Steve staggered backwards until he hit the wall.

Reality crashed in to him just as hard and everything felt alive.

Everything was moving inwards, smothering him.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't take his eyes off the mirror though.

The only word Steve could use to describe himself was dead.

His skin was so pale. He looked ill. His eyes were lifeless. His weight had decreased substantially. Now that he thought about it, Steve couldn't remember the last time he had eaten anything.

Steve noticed that small patches of his hair were missing. They were so small that he doubted his friends, except maybe Clint, had noticed.

Steve noticed he was shaking. He still felt as though he couldn't breathe. 

Panic finally flooded through his body. 

He covered the mirror up weeks ago because he knew he wouldn't like what he found. He didn't want to see himself.

He realised why his friends always acted so worried around him now. He looked like a zombie.

Disgust. That's what he felt now. How could he let his friends see him like this? He didn't want them to worry about him. He could deal with everything by himself.

He felt angry with himself. He wished he had had the courage to look in the mirror before now. He could have stopped his friends from worrying. 

They didn't deserve to see him like this. He didn't deserve their help. He didn't deserve them.

He hurriedly pulled some clothes on. That made him feel a little better about looking in the mirror.

Steve knew he should do something about his health, maybe force himself to eat something.

He would have to go downstairs to get something to eat though.

Now that he knew what he looked like, he had an overwhelming feeling to stay in his room.

He didn't want anyone to see him like this. But then if he didn't leave, he would risk his health even more.

He felt torn.

Steve jumped when there was a knock on the door.

"Steve?"

It was just Wanda. Steve sat down on the bed next to his towel, trying to control his non-existent breathing.

"Steve, can I come in?"

Steve didn't answer. Did he want her to come in and see him like this?

"Answer otherwise I'll come in anyway whether you're decent or not."

Steve tried to answer but his voice wouldn't work.

He heard the door opening and someone rushing to his side.

"Breathe, Steve."

He tried but he just couldn't. 

Something flashed red in his peripheral vision.

A calming feeling washed over his body.

Steve breathed in deeply and his body no longer felt tense. He had stopped shaking and his emotions were under control.

He looked to his right and saw Wanda sitting beside him.

"What happened?" She asked.

Steve glanced over to the mirror but the calming feeling still remained. He reached out for Wanda's hand which was glowing red with her powers.

Wanda took his hand and squeezed it. Steve felt reassured. He wasn't sure why but he did.

"I looked in the mirror." Steve was whispering but he knew that Wanda could hear him. "I look terrible. You guys shouldn't have to see me like that. I'm a disgra-"

"Stop!" He looked up and saw Wanda's eyes had turned blood red. "Don't think about yourself like that! We don't care what you look like. We only care that you're okay."

He wasn't convinced and she knew it. 

"Come on," Wanda said, after a pause. "Lets go and get you something to eat. You haven't eaten in days. It will make you feel better."

She got up from the bed and pulled Steve after her. 

He wanted to fight and stay in his room but maybe she was right. 

Maybe his friends didn't care what he looked like. 

He jumped as he heard a child's voice call Clint's name.

"Looks like, Hope and Cassie are here." 

Steve felt fear replace the calm as Wanda walked down the stairs. He pulled away from her and backed away from the stairs.

Steve listened until the voices from downstairs had moved to the living room before he joined Wanda on the stairs.

"It'll be okay," she said. She took his hand in hers again and smiled at him.

Steve couldn't smile back but he did nod.

Together they entered the living room.


	12. Chapter twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unlikely relationship blooms.

A smile grew on Clint's face as he saw Wanda and Steve walk in.

Cassie, who was sitting next to Clint, squealed in delight. She got up and ran up to Wanda and Steve.

Steve looked as though he wanted to hide behind Wanda which was a ridiculous idea but sue him, that's what it looked like.

"Hi," Wanda said, giving Cassie a friendly smile. "You must be Cassie."

Cassie nodded and looked up at Steve.

Steve looked as though he wasn't sure what to do. Clint was about to save him but Scott had the same idea.

"Cassie, honey," Scott said. "Come over here."

Cassie looked a bit sad but she brightened up almost straightaway and bounded over to her dad.

Steve looked relieved and let Wanda lead him over to the sofa. Clint moved over to give him more room.

"You alright, man?" Clint asked. He frowned when he didn't get a response from Steve.

"He's fine," Wanda reassured him. "I'm just going to get him something to eat."

She went over to the small kitchen and started pulling out ingredients from the cupboards.

Clint was concerned when he saw that Steve's face was completely blank. He reached out and carefully put a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked quietly. Steve slowly turned around to face him and nodded. Clint saw that Steve was refusing to meet his eyes.

He was worried but he decided to let it go. He didn't want to upset Steve.

Clint started a conversation with the others, trying to act as normal as possible, when he noticed that Cassie had come over to where he and Steve sat.

He watched from the corner of his eye as Cassie sat down next to Steve. Clint noticed that Sam and Scott were watching her too but trying not to be obvious about it.

"Hello," Cassie said, quietly. 

It took Steve a moment to register that someone had spoken to him. He looked down and saw Cassie smiling at him.

Clint held his breath, getting ready to move Cassie out of the way if Steve had a negative reaction. 

But he smiled. 

Cassie was overjoyed and started bouncing in her seat. She grinned up at Steve and he chuckled.

Clint almost did a double take. He hadn't heard Steve laugh so sincerely for months. 

Cassie climbed her way onto Steve's lap and Clint tensed. He needn't have worried, however, as Steve put an arm around Cassie to make sure she didn't fall off.

Clint went back to his conversation with Sam and Scott. They were all letting the tension in their bodies leave them. 

"You're my favourite Avenger!" Clint heard Cassie whisper. Steve laughed again. Cassie leaned closer to him, as though they were sharing a secret. "My dad's still the best but he's not a real Avenger so he doesn't count."

"I am so a real Avenger!" Scott exclaimed, acting hurt. Cassie giggled.

"No you're not!" She sung, a huge smile on her face.

"I'm going to have to punish you now for back chatting me. Hmm..." Scott put a finger on his chin and thought about what her punishment should be. "I think you need to be tickled."

"No!" Cassie squealed.

"Yes!" Scott got up from his seat and chased after a squealing Cassie. He quickly caught up with her and tickled her. She was laughing so much that she fell on the ground. The sound of Cassie's laughter made them all laugh.

"Help me, Captain America! Save me!" Cassie shouted.

With surprise, Clint watched as Steve got up from his seat and picked up Cassie from the ground. He put her on his shoulders, out of Scott's reach.

"Yeah, Cap might be on your side now but wait until he finds out what a menace you are. Then he'll be back on my side and I'll get you again!" Scott joked.

"No, he won't!" Cassie sung, loudly. 

Scott huffed and sat back down. Cassie laughed and pointed at Scott. "Yes, give up villain. Captain America always wins."

Scott and Steve both had fond smiles on their faces. Steve sat back down on the sofa but left Cassie on his shoulders.

Cassie didn't seem to mind as she played with Steve's messy hair. 

Wanda came back into the living room with an omelette that she passed to Steve.

Clint, Sam, Scott and Wanda all smiled as Steve started to eat immediately with the biggest grin on his face that Clint had seen in a long time.


	13. Chapter thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a panic attack but is comforted by his new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear in mind while reading this chapter that I have no idea what happens during a panic attack. 
> 
> That being said, Steve is a pretty unique case at the moment so what happens to him might be different to what happens normally.
> 
> Either way, don't hate me if I get some details wrong and of course I need to mention that if you are triggered by things like panic attacks and hearing voices then please don't read this chapter.

Steve was happy.

For the first time in months, he actually felt at peace with the world.

He guessed that children just had that affect on him.

Cassie hadn't left his side all day and strangely it was a comfort. 

Steve had been worried when he first walked into the room and saw Hope and Cassie.

It was bad enough that his friends had to see him like that, let alone people who saw him as a hero and unbreakable.

But they hadn't mentioned the change. They didn't treat him any differently to his friends.

Steve was still worried though. He had been the whole time he had been close to Cassie. 

What if he lashed out and hurt her? Steve didn't think he would be able to live with himself if he hurt Cassie, or any of the others. The guilt he felt for hurting Sam and Clint already, when he couldn't control himself, constantly weighed him down.

"Are you okay?" Cassie's voice broke through his thoughts and brought him back to reality. 

She was laying across his chest with her head nestled over his heart. Steve tried to calm his heart as he answered.

"I'm okay."

Cassie nodded and squeezed him tightly. Steve put his arms around her protectively.

"You shouldn't do that." Steve closed his eyes.

"No," he thought. "Leave me alone."

"Why? I'm trying to help you. You're putting everyone in danger by being here."

"No, I'm not!"

"You know you are. Remember what Ultron told you? You can't live without a war, Cap. It's time to face reality, Steve. This isn't your life. You live to fight and hurt people."

"No! No, I don't! I don't want to hurt people. Ultron was wrong."

Steve didn't realise that he had said this out loud until he heard Scott and Clint both call Cassie's name.

He opened his eyes but couldn't register anything happening around him.

Steve was shaking so violently, it felt as though someone was holding his shoulders and shaking him.

He tried to take a breath but his chest felt as though it was collapsing inward.

Panic filled him as the voice in his head continued.

He cried out in pain as his lungs started to burn from the lack of oxygen.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as his vision blurred.

"Leave me alone!" He screamed.

Steve shook with fear as everything started to disappear around him. He couldn't see or hear anything, except the voice that was shouting at him.

He felt arms go around his shoulders and hold him tightly. Steve clung to the person that the arms were attached to. The person was warm, holding him with care. A hand stroked his hair soothingly.

The person slowly brought him back to life.

The voice was slowly disappearing, now just a whisper in his ear. His lungs were allowing oxygen back into them. The fear and panic were dissipating in his mind. He was still shaking but not as much. It could be misinterpreted as a shiver. 

He tried to open his eyes but had buried his face into someone's shoulder during his attack.

Steve was weak and his head felt heavy but he forced himself to lift his head.

He saw Sam, Scott and Clint standing in front of him. They weren't crowding him but they didn't hide their worry and concern.

When Steve leaned back in his seat, the person who was holding him leaned back too. 

It was Cassie.

Steve smiled weakly at her.

"Thank you," he croaked out, talking through the sore throat he now had from his screaming.

Cassie smiled back at him and readjusted herself on his lap so that she was laying in the same place she was before he had his attack. She settled her head over his heart again and closed her eyes.

Steve had completely calmed down now. The only thought that was going around in his mind was how he was ever going to repay Cassie for what she has done.

She probably didn't even realise what she had done and how much she had helped him but he was immensely grateful.

He placed a protective arm around her again and glanced up. Clint was the only one left standing up now. Although, Sam and Scott were still watching him with eagle eyes. 

Clint came over to him and slowly ruffled his hair affectionately.

"You okay?" He whispered.

Steve nodded. Clint squeezed his shoulder and then went and sat back down in his seat.

Clint started up a conversation with Sam which Steve was grateful for. He didn't want to be the cause of another awkward silence.

He looked down at Cassie and could hear her slow breathing. 

He smiled and moved carefully to get more comfortable in his seat without disturbing Cassie.

He then closed his eyes, content, and joined Cassie in a peaceful sleep.


	14. Chapter fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Scott give their opinion on Steve and Cassie's new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who has left a comment or kudos. They make me feel really good about myself and encourage me to keep writing so thank you.

Clint smiled when he looked over to check on Steve and Cassie. They were both fast asleep, looking at peace with the world which was something that Clint barely saw on Steve's face anymore.

Who would have thought that Scott Lang's daughter would be the one to pull Steve out of the dark hole in his mind?

Clint turned around when he heard Sam yawn.

"Is it time to go to Bedfordshire, Sam?"

"I'm not tired," Sam replied as another yawn escaped him.

"Well, you may not be," Wanda said, "but I am. I'll see you guys in the morning."

With that, Wanda got up from her seat, smiled fondly at Steve and Cassie and then left the room.

"Yeah, it's getting late, guys," Scott said, glancing at his watch.

"You should show Hope where she's sleeping, Scott," Clint said.

Scott rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you. If that's okay." Scott threw an apologetic look at Hope before blushing.

Clint was confused but intrigued at the same time.

"Sure," he said. "Sam, maybe you can show Hope where she will be sleeping?"

Sam held out his arm and smiled. 

"My lady."

Hope laughed and put her arm around his. She let Sam escort her out of the room.

Once they were gone, Clint turned to Scott.

"What's up?"

Scott looked down at Steve and Cassie asleep on the sofa.

"I'm worried about Cassie."

"What do you mean?"

"What if..?"

The rest of the sentence didn't need saying. Clint walked over to Scott and reached out to hold his trembling arms.

"Hey, don't worry about her," Clint tried to reassure him. "Steve won't hurt her. Look at what happened today. I think she'll be good for him."

"How do you know that?" Scott said. "It was different today because he was awake. You know how much easier it is to comfort him if he's awake. I mean, yeah, Cassie calmed him down in a reduced amount of time but that won't be the same if he has a nightmare or a flashback. He can't pull himself out of them. Cassie won't be able to help him but she'll try and that means that he will try and hurt her. Remember what he did to Sam a few weeks ago. If he does that to Cassie he might..."

Scott's voice broke at the end of his sentence. Clint pulled him out of the living room, worried that he might wake up Steve and Cassie. Clint put his hands on either side of Scott's face and forced him to look at him.

"Don't think like that. I know it's hard not to, considering what's happened in the past but I honestly think that her comfort will help him feel safe. Maybe that's what he's needed all this time. Someone to hold him and make him feel safe. Which is definitely the opposite of what we've been doing. We're all to scared to go anywhere near him when going near him might be the thing that helps us to stop being scared. I think Cassie has finally figured out how to help him."

Scott smiled and nodded. 

"You're right. I know you are. Cassie always did have almost a sixth sense on what people needed even if she didn't realise she knew it." Scott sighed. "She's growing up too fast."

"I know how that is. Sometimes I come home from work after weeks of being on a mission and it's like my kids are completely different people. But that's life."

"I just don't want her to grow up too fast."

"I know, neither do I. But sometimes it just happens and we can't stop it."

Clint and Scott stood in silence for a few minutes. Clint could almost see Scott thinking over everything he had said. After a while, Clint noticed Scott's eyes drooping but he waited until Scott yawned before he said anything.

"Come on, Scott. You're exhausted. Go to bed. They'll be fine, I promise."

Scott nodded and stumbled over to the stairs. Clint helped him to the room that Scott was now sharing with Hope.

Before they parted ways, Clint saw a worried look on Scott's face as Scott glanced back at the stairs.

Clint sighed.

"If it helps you to sleep, I'll go down in a couple of hours and check on them."

Scott smiled. 

"Thank you."

Scott slumped against Clint. Clint stifled a laugh and then froze. He looked behind him quickly but there was nothing there. He thought he had seen something move out of the corner of his eye.

God, he needed to sleep as well. He was starting to get paranoid.

Clint helped (aka dragged) Scott to his bed and placed him on it. Scott immediately fell onto the mattress. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Clint smiled as he looked down at Scott who was now dead to the world. Clint noticed that he looked young and innocent while he was asleep.

He felt something go through him as he watched Scott's chest rise and fall with his breathing. He wasn't sure what it was but it made him want to reach out and touch Scott.

He tore his eyes away and tried to ignore the feeling as he went to his own room.

The feeling wasn't overwhelming anymore like it had been when he was in Scott's room but it was still there, nagging in the back of his mind.

Clint did everything he could to try and take his mind off of Scott. Read a book, played a game on his phone, tried again to contact Natasha but whatever he did, his mind always came back to Scott.

For fuck's sake.

Frustrated, Clint got up and paced around his room. 

What was happening to him?

He realised after a while that his mouth had gone dry so he left his room and went downstairs, trying his best not to wake anyone up.

He tiptoed past Steve and Cassie, who were still asleep, and poured himself a glass of water in the kitchen.

Clint stared out the window at the dark environment and had only one thought that miraculously didn't involve Scott.

Where the fuck was Stark?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I had a week off from school last week and another week off this week and I've just been too lazy to do anything. I feel really bad about making you guys wait so as an apology I will be posting two chapters today so make sure to check back in later.


	15. Chapter fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Steve have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter for today. I hope you enjoy it.

"Bucky!"

Steve was shaking. He ran a trembling hand through his sweaty hair and tried to calm himself.

Bucky was still alive. He was fine. He wasn't in danger.

Steve kept having heart breaking dreams about his best friend who was always so close yet so far away. They always involved Steve being reunited with Bucky and then having Bucky cruelly taken away right in front of him with Steve being unable to do anything to help him.

He hated those dreams most of all. 

Nightmares about the war or what he has seen on his missions scare him but he knows they aren't real. That they are just dreams. 

Somehow the dreams about Bucky feel so real that they could actually be happening in front of him. That's what scares him the most. That one day Bucky might actually be in danger but he'll mistake it for a dream and it'll be too late. 

Steve felt a tear roll down his cheek as he thought about letting his friend down like that.

Then a thought hit him and he realised that he had been lying to himself.

The dreams about Bucky weren't the worst, they were just the most frequent.

The dreams about Siberia were the worst.

He always found himself in the position he had been before he had plunged his shield into Tony's chest, only that's never how it ends in his dreams.

The dreams end with him murdering Tony and sometimes even Bucky and when he wakes up he can still feel the anger and adrenaline he felt in his dream coursing through his veins.

Strangely, murdering his friends isn't the most terrifying thing about his dreams. It's the feeling he gets after he does it. The feeling he gets is almost satisfying but that makes him hungry for more. He actually craves wanting to hurt someone.

Steve was glad he didn't have that dream tonight as he finally noticed the slow breathing coming from Cassie. He was glad that he hadn't woken her with his outburst.

For a few minutes he just listened to her breathing and tried to copy it. He looked around the room to find something to focus on.

Steve realised he wasn't the only one awake.

Clint was standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand. He seemed to be looking for something through the window.

Steve gently pushed Cassie off his chest and set her down comfortably on the sofa. 

He got up and stretched out his muscles. He quietly joined Clint in the kitchen.

"You okay?" Clint asked him, without turning around to look at him.

"Yeah, just another nightmare. I'm fine." Clint nodded. "Is there something out there?"

"Oh." Clint seemed to realise he had been staring out the window at nothing in particular. He turned around and looked at Steve. "No. I was just thinking."

"About what?" When Clint didn't answer, Steve became concerned. "Are you okay?"

"It's nothing. I'm just tired but, for the life of me, I can't seem to actually fall asleep." 

Steve nodded. He knew that feeling.

"So," Clint said, changing the subject, quickly. "Nice relationship you've got going. When's the wedding?"

Steve was shocked at Clint's question but he couldn't help but laugh.

"That's disgusting, Clint. She's like seven."

"Made you laugh though, didn't I?"

Steve chuckled and shook his head. 

"I'm also in my nineties," Steve pointed out.

"Yeah. We should probably change the subject. This conversation is turning into the plot of Twilight."

Steve laughed. He had heard about Twilight from Clint and Sam. He had had to sit through about ten arguments and rants between Clint, Sam and Wanda about how good/bad Twilight is.

Clint had gone back to staring into space and Steve was getting worried about him now.

"What's wrong, Clint?"

Clint sighed.

"Okay, this is a purely hypothetical situation but if someone started to have feelings for someone else that isn't their wife, or husband, is that wrong?"

Steve considered the question, thinking it was a bit of a strange thing to ask him, of all people.

"Alright, I'm going to be that asshole that answers questions with questions. One: why ask someone like me that question who has never been married in their life? And two: who is this other person you have feelings for?"

Clint looked surprised.

"I may be crazy but I'm not stupid," Steve added.

Steve could hear Clint when he gulped. Embarrassment made it's way onto Clint's face.

"One: you asked me what was wrong so I told you. And two: I said hypothetical!"

"It's not me is it?"

"What? No!"

"How dare you!"

"Shut up, Steve. I'm being serious." Despite saying this, Clint had a huge smile that he was desperately trying to keep off his face. Suffice it to say, he was failing.

"Am I really that funny?"

"No, I'm just happy to see you in a good mood. It doesn't happen often."

"You're breaking my heart, Barton. Can you please just tell me?"

"Fine. It's Scott."

Many thoughts were going around Steve's head with that statement but the most prominent one was "What the fuck?"

"I know," Clint said, looking ashamed, "I know what you're going to say. He has a girlfriend and a kid and I have a wife and kids, I just... I don't know. I just suddenly feel like... I don't even know. I'm a horrible person."

"Clint, calm down. I admit I was shocked but it's okay."

"Did you not hear the part about our families?"

"Of course I did. Maybe that's what it's about. Your families. He has his here but you don't and you miss them. So you want to be a part of Scott's family. Not to mention, you're tired as hell. I think you should try and get some sleep, Clint. You'll feel better in the morning."

"You're right. I just can't help but feel like it's something more than that."

"I know."

Clint sighed and then smiled at Steve.

"Thanks for this. You're such a deep guy, aren't you?"

"Go to bed, Barton."

Clint grinned at him and then froze.

Steve listened. He heard it too. 

A car was approaching.

Steve stiffened and wondered whether he should be panicking.

He turned to Clint and was surprised to see he looked relieved.

"Stay here, okay?" Clint said to Steve. "I've got this."

As Clint left the kitchen, Steve could have sworn he heard Clint say "it's about time!"


	16. Chapter sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky arrive at the house.

Clint walked out the front door with his arms out. He smiled when he saw Tony get out of the car with an annoyed look on his face.

"Where have you been? The damsel left about an hour ago!"

"Ahh, so there's no one left for me to save?" Tony joked, the annoyed look leaving as soon as he saw Clint.

Clint noticed that there was now an awkward look on Tony's face.

Despite what happened the last time the two of them were together, when Clint reached the car, he pulled Tony into a hug.

Tony tensed but ended up leaning into Clint and hugging him back.

"Did you miss me?" Tony said.

"No."

Tony chuckled at the lie and pulled away.

Clint now noticed the man that was standing next to him and Tony.

He nodded and offered a small smile to Barnes. Clint was surprised when Barnes smiled back at him.

"So, what's been going on?" Tony asked.

Clint sighed.

"He's been getting a bit better while you've been... travelling."

"Where is he?" Barnes asked.

"He's awake. I left him in the kitchen. He should still be in there or in the living room if you want to go talk to him."

Barnes nodded and left straight away.

Clint watched him leave and then raised his eyebrows at Tony.

"He doesn't talk much, does he?"

"You'd be surprised."

Clint gave Tony a questioning glance.

Tony shook his head.

"Don't ask."

Clint nodded, letting it go.

"You okay?" Clint asked.

Tony took a moment to answer.

"I admit that I was a bit scared to come. I don't know how everyone is going to react when they see me in the morning. I wasn't even sure whether you would still be friendly towards me when I got here, even though you were on the phone. And seeing Steve again..." Tony trailed off.

Clint could see the pain in Tony's eyes and was starting to get a bit scared at the faraway look that was in Tony's eyes.

Clint reached out and put a hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Hey," Clint said, softly, "come back to me, Tony."

Tony blinked and looked down at his feet. His face turned red in embarrassment.

"Sorry, just... memories came back to me."

"It happens to all of us."

Clint smiled in understanding when Tony looked up at him. 

"We should probably follow the Buckmeister," Tony said. "Make sure he doesn't wake everyone up. I was surprised you were still up. Waiting up for me?" 

"Just couldn't sleep. Anyway, before we go in, I want to speak to you about something." 

"What?" 

Clint took a deep breath. 

"I wanted to apologise. For everything. I can't speak for the others but we shouldn't have got involved with what was happening between you and Steve. I still don't really understand what happened. All I know is, I left my family so I could hurt people who are supposed to be my friends. That was wrong. I'm really sorry about what we did to you." 

Tony's eyes were glistening after Clint's apology. Clint noticed and pulled Tony into another hug. 

Clint supported Tony's weight as he broke down. 

He held Tony as he shook and cried on Clint's shoulder. 

"That's it. Just let it out." 

Clint kept a strong grip on Tony so that he wouldn't fall to the ground because of his shaky legs.

Tony clutched desperately at Clint's shoulders, an unspoken "don't let me go" hanging in the air between them.

Clint didn't. He became the friend he was supposed to be and didn't let Tony go until Tony pushed him away. 

Tony smiled at him. 

"Sorry. Spending the day with Bucky has made me emotional." 

"Don't be sorry. You've been through a lot." 

Tony nodded. 

"Looks like I'm the damsel in distress now." 

"I'll be your Prince Charming, Stark." 

To both Clint and Tony's surprise, Clint came forward and picked Tony up, bridle style and started carrying him towards the house. 

"Jesus, you're heavy, Stark." 

"Shut up, Katniss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is a bit short. Next chapter will be longer, I promise.


	17. Chapter seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky are reunited.

Bucky held his breath as he entered the house. He felt like he was intruding. 

The house was so quiet. It put him on edge. Even though there was no reason to feel that way. 

Everyone was asleep. That was the reason. 

These people weren't exactly his friends but they were his allies. They aren't a danger, are they? They wouldn't try and punish him for everything he's done, would they?

Bucky took a deep breath and calmed down. There was no reason to panic. At least not right now. 

There was an open entryway into what Bucky guessed was the living room. 

As he entered, Bucky heard soft breathing coming from one of the sofas. 

On closer inspection, he saw a little girl asleep. 

Seeing the child, unharmed, somehow made him feel safer and calmer. If she was fine then he would be too, right?

Bucky jumped as he heard a noise from the small kitchen. 

He quietly walked past the girl, careful not to wake her, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw who was in the kitchen. 

"Steve?"

Steve visibly stiffened as Bucky spoke. He slowly turned around to face Bucky. 

For a moment, nothing happened. They just stared at each other. 

Then Steve ran forward and pulled Bucky close. 

"Buck, are you really here?" Steve whispered into Bucky's shoulder. 

"Yeah, I'm here, Stevie." 

Bucky unconsciously started playing with Steve's hair. It had become a habit when they were younger. As a child, Steve would always become calmer after someone played with his hair. 

Bucky smiled as he felt Steve melt into his hold, all the tension leaving his body.

"Hey," Bucky said, softly. "I hear that you haven't been feeling too great." 

Steve didn't answer. 

"Do you want to tell me about it?" 

Steve shrugged. 

"What's happening, Steve? Tell me what's wrong." 

Steve pulled away from Bucky but he didn't go far. One of his hands was holding Bucky's shirt tightly. Bucky doubted that even he would be able to break Steve's grip. 

"I don't know, Bucky. It's like I'm broken." Steve's voice broke on the last word. 

Bucky reached up to stroke Steve's hair again. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. 

"I don't know what to do, Buck." 

"It's okay. Whatever this is, whatever has happened to you, we'll sort it out together. Like we always used to. I'm here to stay, Steve. I'm not going to leave again, okay?"

Steve nodded and leant into Bucky again. Bucky welcomed him.

"Now," Bucky started, "you need to be honest with me, okay?" 

"What if I don't want to tell you the truth?" 

Bucky sighed. He pushed Steve away from him so that he could look in his eyes. 

"How about this? For every question you answer for me," Bucky took a deep breath, "I'll tell you something about me and the Winter Soldier. I'm sure you want to know. You always were curious and nosy when we were kids. And... I think I may have similar problems to you. Maybe we can help each other. But I can't do that if you aren't willing to be honest with me." 

"Okay," Steve whispered.

Bucky glanced over at the young girl who was still asleep on the sofa. Steve looked over at her too. 

"We should find a better place to talk," Steve said, "so we don't wake Cassie." 

Bucky nodded, put his flesh arm around Steve's shoulders and guided him out of the room. 

As they were making their way out of the living room, they ran into Barton who was coming down the stairs. 

Bucky looked around for Tony but he couldn't see him. He tried to keep the panic out of his voice when he spoke. 

"Where is..?" 

"Upstairs," Barton interrupted, "in his room." 

Bucky nodded. Strangely he wasn't angry that Barton interrupted him. In the past, the Soldier would have punched someone for doing that. 

However, he was aware that Barton may not have told Steve that they were coming, especially that Tony was coming. 

Considering what happened between the three of them the last time they were together, Bucky probably would have done the same thing.

"We're going to find a place to talk where we won't disturb anyone." 

"Alright. I promised Scott I would check on Cassie then I'm going to bed." 

"You better," Steve said, smiling. 

"Fuck you, Rogers. What are you, my mother?" 

Steve chuckled as Barton pushed past them and went into the living room.

"Come on. Why don't we go outside? You feel way too hot." 

Steve nodded and led Bucky to the back door.

Bucky pushed Steve down onto one of the porch chairs and then sat down next to him.

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked Steve.

Steve nodded and took a deep breath. Bucky noticed that Steve was actually more relaxed sitting outside even though they were sitting in the dark in the middle of the night.

Steve wriggled around until he looked more comfortable in his seat. A small smile was on his face.

Bucky smiled at the peaceful look on Steve's face. It was obviously a good choice to come outside.

After a minute of staring into the dark back garden, Steve turned to Bucky.

"What's the first question you want to ask?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I have left the chapter like this but the next chapter is coming tomorrow so you won't have to wait long. 
> 
> Also, Happy Halloween, guys :)


	18. Chapter eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve learn more about each other.

Steve felt a lot better being outside. He didn't know whether it was because of the feeling of fresh air or being out of the house. He was starting to feel stir-crazy being inside the house all the time.

Or maybe it was Bucky that made him feel better. 

For the short amount of time he had been sitting outside, he already missed Bucky's comforting hand in his hair.

Steve looked over at Bucky who was trying to figure out what question he wanted to ask first. Bucky was probably worrying about upsetting him so was taking extra time trying to figure out what to say.

"Bucky, don't be afraid to upset me."

Bucky looked like he wanted to say something to that but thought against it.

"Okay. We'll start easy. Why were you up this late?"

Steve had to think about it. He had completely forgotten about his nightmare since Bucky turned up.

"I had a nightmare. What about you? Do you get nightmares?"

"Yeah I do. What was your dream about?"

Steve hesitated. He looked away from Bucky.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Steve."

"I'm being honest!"

"You need to talk about it. It will help you. You may not see it but you will. And anyway would you rather talk to me, your best friend and someone you trust or some stranger in an office who pretends to care."

"It was about you." Steve confessed.

Bucky's face went blank.

"What happened?"

"I get to ask a question next. I answered your last question."

"Steve. I'm not playing games. I'm tired as fuck and I'm trying to help you."

"I'm not playing..."

"Look, I finally feel like myself again. But you piss me off and that's going to change."

Bucky didn't seem to notice that his voice was rising. Steve could see the Winter Soldier flash behind his eyes, threatening to take control of Bucky's body.

"Buck, calm down, okay?"

"Just answer my question, Steve!"

"Why are you getting so angry with me?"

Steve felt his mood lower. His best friend was angry with him. Did that mean everyone was? Were they just better at hiding it?

"Steve, I'm sorry."

Steve looked Bucky in the eyes. The Soldier was gone and only Bucky's guilty face remained.

"What's your question?" Bucky asked.

"I wanted to know what your nightmares are about. Mine are about... horrible things and I just wanted to know if yours are just as bad."

"Yeah, they are," Bucky whispered. 

Steve breathed a sigh of relief at the change in volume. He hated that his friend got angry with him. He hated himself for making his friend angry.

"Recently there have been a few about Siberia and fear of becoming the Winter Soldier and losing myself again," Bucky continued, "but usually they're about my victims. Or the Soldier's victims."

"Mine are about Siberia as well. Or losing you. Or about the war. Or what I see on my missions."

"Which one is the worst to dream about?"

Steve stiffened. He had to lie. He couldn't tell Bucky about the feeling he gets after the Siberia dreams. Although, if anyone would understand it would be Bucky. But what if he didn't? What if Bucky thought Steve was crazy? Steve knew that he was crazy but he didn't want Bucky thinking that. He had to hide it from him.

"Steve?"

"The ones about losing you," Steve lied, "are the worst ones."

Steve felt a rush of guilt for lying but he knew that he would be better off in the long run if he lied.

"The ones about the Soldier's victims are the worst. I have no control. It's like watching a film, I can't do anything to change what happens and I know what's coming, but I'm doing all of it with my own hands."

Bucky didn't continue. He stared off into space and seemed to forget where he was.

Steve didn't interrupt Bucky's thoughts. Instead he thought about what else he should tell Bucky. He didn't want Bucky to worry or fuss over him like the others always do but maybe Bucky was right. Maybe they could help each other. Maybe talking about...

No! He can't tell Bucky any more than he has already said. There's nothing anyone can do to help him. He's just... broken. And he should learn to live with that.

Steve shivered. He had definitely cooled down by now. All he wanted, now, was to go inside and curl up next to the radiator.

"Bucky?"

Bucky jumped and turned to face him. There were tears in his eyes and his face looked slightly red but Steve didn't mention it.

"I'm getting kind of cold. Can we go back inside?"

Bucky sighed.

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

"Steve, I wasn't sighing because you asked..." Bucky took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm just a bit messed up at the moment. I'm sorry for getting angry with you earlier. You didn't deserve that."

"Yes, I did," Steve thought. No, he shouldn't think like that. Bucky was just trying to deal with the withdrawal from being the Winter Soldier. It wasn't his fault.

"It's fine. But I am freezing to death out here. I've already done that once and I have no plans to do it again."

Bucky chuckled.

"Fine, Austin Powers. Lets go."

Steve got up from his seat and followed Bucky back inside the house.

The last thought he had before closing the back door was: Who's Austin Powers?


	19. Chapter nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old memories are brought back up and Tony and Bucky talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm back. I'm really sorry that it has been so long since I have posted a new chapter. This new chapter is a lot longer than normal with a bit of Steve/Tony in it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Tony settled down onto one of the beds after Clint left him in one of the bedrooms. 

He made himself comfortable and wondered how Bucky's conversation with Steve was going.

After a few minutes, Tony sighed. Now he was wondering how long Bucky was going to be. He was starting to get bored.

Even though he had been driving for most of the day, he didn't feel tired. Years of insomnia were kicking in.

He sighed. As he sat there in silence, his mind wandered to Steve. 

Would he be okay? 

Without having seen Steve yet, he didn't know how bad he was. What if he didn't bounce back? No, Steve always bounced back. He was one of the strongest people Tony knew. And not just in physical strength. 

"Stop worrying," Tony mumbled to himself. 

He shook his head, trying to get thoughts of Steve to leave his mind but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep them away. 

Tony sighed again. This man was going to kill him. Literally. The whiplash he had constantly got from being around Steve was exhausting. 

One minute, they would be getting along like a house on fire. Then that house would burn down and wouldn't be rebuilt until one of them stopped sulking and complaining about the other.

Their relationship was the very definition of a love-hate relationship. 

Tony grumbled to himself as he got up and started pacing around the room. 

The problem was that they were both stubborn people but Steve even more so. 

Even faced with something that is clearly wrong (*cough* Sokovia Accords *cough*), he can't change his views for shit. 

Tony stopped walking and leaned against the wall. 

Apart from the many arguments they had had, Tony and Steve had some great times together (when they were actually friendly).

Tony settled back down on the bed and smiled as his favourite memory of the supersoldier flooded his mind. 

*****

Tony ran into the kitchen of Avengers Tower like a headless chicken. Tony smiled as he ran head first into Thor. 

"Did you bring it?" He asked. 

"Of course, my friend," Thor answered. 

"Yes!" Tony literally jumped up in the air as he snatched a small flask from Thor's hand. "Thanks, Thor!" 

"Anytime, Stark." 

Tony ran into the living room and waited for the other Avengers to arrive. 

"What have you done?" Bruce asked, without looking up from the book he was reading. 

Tony looked at his friend who was already seated on a comfy chair. 

"I have something for Steve." Tony held up the flask. "Don't worry, it's not poison. Thor brought it from Asgard."

"Is that Asgardian alcohol?" 

"Yes. Steve's always complaining about how he can't get drunk with the rest of us, so..." 

"Please tell me that you are going to warn him, not just put it in his drink?" 

"Of course," Tony said but there was a smile on his face. "Anyway, this stuff is like, thousands of years old. If anything is going to make him drunk, it's this." 

Tony turned around as the door opened. His heart skipped a beat as Steve walked in. 

"Hey, Tony." 

"Hey, Cap. I have something for you."

Steve looked aprehensive. He was probably thinking about whether he should run away as fast as he could. 

"What is it?" He asked, cautiously. 

Tony held out the flask. Steve took it but kept it at arms length. 

"It's not going to kill you. Thor brought it from Asgard." 

"Oh well, in that case..." Steve said, sarcastically. 

Tony fluttered his eyelashes. 

"I love it when you talk sarcastic to me." 

Steve raised his eyebrows but there was a slight blush across his face and a small smile that made Tony smile back. 

"It's alcohol. You're a moany bitch when everyone else is drunk and you're not." 

"You know I can't get drunk though." 

"Yes but this stuff will make you drunk. If normal people drink this, they will die. It's that strong." 

Steve looked into the flask and then smelt it. 

"You sure it won't kill me?" 

"I won't know until you try some." 

"Try some of what?" Clint asked as he and Natasha entered the room.

"Cap's going to get drunk!" 

"Hallelujah!" 

"Hey, hang on," Steve interrupted, "I haven't agreed to this." 

"It is safe," Thor reassured him, joining them in the living room. 

"Alright." 

They all watched as Steve downed the drink. He didn't speak for a few moments. Tony was starting to get worried with how stiff he was standing. 

"So... how is it?" 

Steve raised his head and looked at Tony. 

"That stuff works fast." 

Tony and Clint cheered. Tony grabbed Steve's arm and lead him over to the sofa.

The night continued with the Avengers teaching Steve games like Truth or Dare. 

Steve was a lot happier and more comfortable when he was drunk. His funny side also came out and he loved to bullshit Tony more than usual. 

Tony couldn't get enough of this new Steve. The one that let down all of his defences and showed Tony the man underneath. 

The vulnerable man who didn't feel like he belonged in this new world. Who couldn't find his place. 

Tony sympathised with him. Sometimes he had no idea where he belonged. 

By the end of the evening, Steve was falling asleep on the sofa. 

"Come on, my favourite Captain. Lets get you to bed." 

Tony pulled him from the sofa and helped him walk to his room. The poor guy couldn't even walk in a straight line anymore.

They stopped outside Steve's bedroom door. Tony opened the door and tried to push Steve through the door. 

He wouldn't budge! No matter how hard Tony pushed him. 

He was starting to get frustrated but he couldn't help cracking a smile when he heard Steve (of all things) giggling. 

"Look, it's nice to know that you're a happy drunk but you've got to work with me here." 

Steve just kept giggling. It was so adorable. 

Tony gave up trying to push him through the door and instead tried to talk to him. Tried being the important word in that sentence. 

"Come on, Cap! You're exhausted. Just go to bed." 

Steve turned to face him slowly. His eyes were a little unfocused but at the same time, they were clear as day. 

Tony could see emotion in Steve's eyes that he had never seen before. 

Helplessness. Loneliness. Fear. 

Tony reached up and ran his fingers through Steve's hair. Steve closed his eyes and leant into the touch. 

He was lonely. Even though Steve was surrounded by people, he felt alone. 

"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep." 

Steve opened his eyes and the relief was clear on his face. 

"Thank you," he whispered. 

Tony gently pushed him inside the bedroom. He was grateful that Steve just went without anymore argument. 

Steve stumbled around the room as though he had forgotten where his bed was. 

"Over here, big guy." 

Steve followed his voice over to the bed but he wouldn't lie down. 

"What's wrong?" Tony asked. 

"I don't know," Steve said, simply. 

"Hey, it's okay," Tony said, walking over to Steve until he was right in front of him, "I'm right here with you, okay? I'm not leaving." 

Tony could feel Steve's breath on his face and only realised too late that he was leaning in when Steve kissed him. 

Holy shit! 

That was the only coherent thing Tony could think right now. 

It was sweet and over way too quickly. 

As soon as Steve started to pull away, Tony groaned and pulled him straight back down into another kiss. 

This one was longer. More fiesty and passionate. They were both fighting for dominance.

It was perfect. Tony didn't want it to end. And it didn't. 

Instead, Steve pushed him up against the wall and pinned his arms next to his head. He pushed one of his thighs in between Tony's legs. 

Tony moaned at the friction of rubbing his already hard cock against Steve's leg. 

Tony ground his cock against Steve's body and found that Steve was hard too. 

Everything was perfect. Except for one thing that made him push Steve away. 

"No. Stop." 

Steve stopped immediately but he didn't move away.

"What's wrong?" 

"We can't do this." 

Steve moved away from him then. Tony felt bad and instantly regretted saying that but he knew it was the right thing to do. 

"Why?" Steve asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

"Because you're drunk. We both are. It's not fair on you. You won't even remember any of this happened tomorrow. A few years ago, I wouldn't have had a doubt in my mind. But it's not right. I'm sorry." 

"I understand," Steve slurred as he started to sway. 

Tony knew it would be a matter of moments before Steve fell asleep, no matter where he was. 

"Go to bed, Steve." 

Steve nodded and yawned. Tony made sure Steve was safely in bed and asleep before leaving the room. 

Just before he shut the door, he whispered, "goodnight, Steve."

*****

Tony still debated up to this day why that was his favourite memory of Steve. 

He had been an arms reach away from something he had wanted with Steve but had thrown it away. 

And with everything that had happened in Siberia, it was never going to happen again and Tony was never going to tell Steve about what happened between them. 

But there was definitely more good than bad in that memory. 

He had spent one of his best nights ever with the team and really felt like he belonged with them, that they were never going to abandon him. 

And even though he had lost what he really wanted with Steve, that kiss had been amazing. It had made him feel so good and he craved more. 

Not only that, but he also felt proud with himself. He had spoken up and done the right thing by telling Steve to stop. He hadn't been selfish like he would have been years ago.

He had finally done something right in his life. 

He also felt like he understood Steve more after that night. 

Steve had woken up the next day with the king of all hangovers so suffice it to say, Steve wasn't hurrying to get drunk again. 

Tony had only had one night where he could look at Steve and really know what he was thinking. The hidden fears that he would never show anyone normally. He hated the fact that Steve would never be as open as he was that night. 

Tony thought about what was happening with Steve now. If Steve wasn't willing to be open with them, helping him was going to be a bitch. 

Tony would even consider calling in a specialist. If there was a specialist who could deal with this sort of thing. 

Even if Steve's problems were things like depression or PTSD, no one else has ever been through what he has. No one would have the knowledge or experience to help him. 

Well, except maybe Bucky. 

Bucky wasn't really the Dr Phil type though. 

Tony jumped and his heart almost hit the ceiling as the door to the bedroom opened. 

"Speak of the devil," he thought as Bucky entered the room.

He smiled as Bucky sighed.

"He's that bad, huh?"

"Wasn't really him that was the problem."

"What happened?" Tony asked.

"This isn't about me. This is about Steve."

Tony nodded.

"Alright."

"He's been having nightmares that are keeping him up."

"What are they about?"

"Everything," Bucky said as he flopped down onto the other bed in the room. He put an arm over his eyes. 

"Bucky." 

Bucky refused to look at Tony.

"Look at me. What's wrong, Bucky?"

Bucky shook his head but took his arm away from his face and turned to Tony.

Tony was shocked to see that there were tears in Bucky's eyes.

"I can't..." Tony's heart broke at the desperate and hopeless voice.

Tony got up and moved over to Bucky's bed.

Bucky hid his face again but Tony grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Tell me."

Tony sat down next to Bucky and put an arm around his shoulders. 

"You know, three months ago, I would have laughed if I could see myself now. I never knew you were a hugger," Tony said.

Bucky didn't say anything but held tighter onto Tony.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong."

"I keep losing myself. I got angry with Steve for no reason. If he doesn't bounce back, that could be because of me. I'm his best friend. I don't want to hurt him. I want to help him."

"You will. But this won't be easy. Especially if Steve's going to make this hard for us. And don't worry, I'll be here for you. All the way. You ever feel like you're losing yourself, tell me. I'll do my best to bring you back. You're a good man, Bucky whose trying to do the right thing with what he has."

"Thank you."

Bucky didn't need to say anything else.

Tony comforted him. He didn't know what it was like to lose yourself to a killer. He didn't understand what Bucky was feeling. He wished he could understand so that Bucky didn't feel so alone. Steve and Bucky were more alike than he thought.

He let go of Bucky and went back to his own bed.

"Lets go to sleep, Buckster."

Bucky smiled at the nickname and settled into his bed.

"Are you alright?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, thank you for saying what you did. It's good to know there is someone on my side."

Tony grinned.

"Are you a sucker for compliments, Bucky?" Tony asked as he got into his own bed.

Sleep had caught up with Tony and he was ready to hit the hay as soon as possible.

"I guess I am."

Tony chuckled and then settled down in bed. He felt comfortable in the soft bed. He deserved this.

"I think you're the cuddler, Tony."

Tony rolled his eyes.

"Definitely."


	20. Chapter twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Cassie play a game.

When Cassie woke up, she noticed that she was cold. 

She wasn't in the same position as she was before she went to sleep.

It took a moment for Cassie to realise what was wrong. 

Where was Captain America? Where did he go? Is he okay?

She sat up and looked around for him. 

There was movement in the kitchen so Cassie got up to investigate. 

She smiled with relief when she saw that it was just Captain America. 

He was staring out of the window with blank eyes. 

She walked up to him and put her hand on his arm. 

He jumped slightly and turned quickly around almost knocking her over. She was worried that she had scared him. That he didn't like her anymore. 

His face slowly turned into a smile. Cassie was happy that he was okay. He had been really scared yesterday.

She shivered from the cold. Steve reached down and picked her up. 

She snuggled into his chest and was grateful for his hot body temperature.

"Did you sleep well?" Steve asked Cassie.

She nodded and hugged him.

Steve carried her back into the living room.

They sat on the sofa together. 

It got a bit boring after a while though. They had nothing to do.

Cassie suddenly had an idea. She wriggled away from Steve.

"I'll be back in a minute."

She ran out of the room and up the stairs. She then sneaked into her father's room.

She tiptoed past his bed as quietly as she could and stopped by his bedside table. 

She grabbed Scott's phone and got out as soon as possible. She silently giggled at how deep a sleeper her father was. 

Cassie went back downstairs and joined Steve in the living room. 

She sat next to him on the sofa. 

"Steve?" 

When he didn't answer, she looked up and saw what the problem was. 

Steve was staring at something she couldn't see. His lips were moving as though he was talking to someone but no sound was coming from them. 

She looked around, thinking that she had missed someone walking in. When she found no one, she tried to get his attention. 

"Steve?" Cassie touched his arm as she spoke. 

Steve startled and jumped up from his seat. His breathing was heavy and his eyes showed fear and guilt. 

No one spoke. 

After Steve had gained his composure, Cassie held up the phone. 

"Do you want to play a game? It's an easy one." 

Steve took a deep breath and settled back down onto the sofa. 

Cassie passed the phone over to him and smiled. 

"It's called Crossy Road. It's the only game on my dad's phone. I bought it though so I don't think my dad even knows he has it." 

Steve pressed the screen and watched as the character jumped forward. 

"You have to keep pressing it. Make sure that you don't get run over by a car, hit by a train, drowned or eaten."

Steve raised his eyebrows but continued playing the game. He didn't go very far on the first couple of tries. 

The next time, he beat both Cassie and Hope's high score and was playing for about five minutes. 

"Damn it!" 

Cassie laughed at his reaction to getting hit by a train. 

"I can't believe that. Although, that was quite a spectacular way to go out."

Cassie giggled again and snuggled into Steve's side as he started the game again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really short chapter. I wanted to include it though because I love this friendship.


	21. Chapter twenty one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint warns Steve about Tony.

Clint staggered out of bed feeling worse than he did before he went to bed. He felt as though he had no energy whatsoever.

He had tried to go to bed like Steve told him too but it was a struggle to say the least.

Laying in bed meant he had nothing to distract him from his thoughts.

Scott came up time and time again. Clint was actually starting to get angry with himself.

Why was he thinking about him?

Then when he finally did go to sleep, nightmares would wake him up an hour later.

What was wrong with him?

Clint groaned and changed his clothes as he had slept in yesterday's clothes.

Still not quite awake yet, he made his way down the stairs.

He woke up properly when he tripped on the stairs and went sprawling to the bottom. Luckily, he was close to the bottom when he fell.

"Very smooth." 

Clint looked at the person who was standing over him.

Clint stuck his middle finger up at Bucky's smirking face.

"Bucky! Just the person I wanted to see right now!"

"You want some help?"

"Thanks."

Clint grabbed Bucky's outstretched hand and let himself be pulled to his feet.

"Alright. I'm in the mood for bacon and eggs. What about you?" Clint asked.

"Sure."

Clint and Bucky walked into the living room. Neither of them could keep the smile off of their faces at the sight in front of them.

Steve and Cassie were cuddled up together on the sofa looking at Scott's phone.

Steve had a huge smile on his face and honestly looked like he was enjoying himself.

Clint walked towards the kitchen and got started on his and Bucky's breakfast.

"Hey, Steve!" Clint shouted.

Steve and Cassie both looked up at Clint's voice.

"You and Cassie want some bacon and eggs?"

Steve's face lit up again. 

"Yeah, thanks."

Clint nodded and made enough for the four of them as well as Sam. His run should be finishing soon and that guy turns into an animal if he doesn't have a big breakfast. 

Clint did think about making some for the others but upon realising that it was only seven in the morning, he decided against it. 

"Hey, Cap? How long have you been up?" 

"Half an hour," he answered, distractedly. He was completely focused on whatever game he was playing on Scott's phone. 

"I think Steve's addicted." 

Bucky stifled a laugh as Steve looked up and playfully glared at Clint. Clint put his hand on his chest and looked shocked, a symbol of mock-offense. 

Steve smiled at that. He passed the phone over to Cassie who almost snatched it out of his hand. 

"Finally! I get a go." 

Steve laughed and joined Clint and Bucky in the kitchen. 

"What were you playing?" 

"I think it was called Crossy Road."

Clint nodded.

"That game killed me. I remember playing it for two hours when Cooper beat my high score. I was not going to let my son accuse me of being too old." 

"You are too old," Steve said, a feigned look of innocence on his face. 

Clint stuck his middle finger over his shoulder, in Steve's general direction. When he caught Steve rolling his eyes, Clint threw a spare piece of bacon at him. 

Clint cheered when the bacon hit Steve straight in the face.

"You should respect your elders, Rogers. That piece of bacon is my witness in court." 

"Technically I'm older than you. So that bacon should be my witness." 

"What is bacon being a witness to?" 

They all turned in the direction of Sam's voice. 

"Here you go, Sammy," Clint said, passing over a plate with Sam's breakfast on. "Enjoy!"

"Ahh! This is the best thing I've seen all day." 

Sam sat down at the small kitchen table and started to eat.

Clint handed out breakfast to Steve and Bucky and called for Cassie to join them. She ran to the table and sat next to Sam.

Clint grabbed his own plate and took a seat next to Bucky. Steve took a seat beside Cassie.

"This is brilliant," Bucky said.

"Thanks," Clint said. He smiled at Bucky. Bucky didn't smile back but Clint could see that he was happy.

Clint wondered when was the last time that Bucky actually ate a meal like this. He was thinking about asking but he didn't know how Bucky would take a question like that.

"Who are you?" Cassie suddenly asks.

Clint paused and then realised she was asking Bucky.

Bucky didn't say anything. Clint and Steve exchanged a look wondering if they should step in.

"My name's Bucky."

Bucky wasn't looking at anyone and had a blank look on his face.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Bucky."

Clint smiled at Cassie. He hoped that she would never find out what had happened to Bucky.

Bucky looked at her. Cassie had already finished her bacon and Bucky still had some left.

He picked up a smaller piece of his bacon and moved it over to Cassie's plate.

Cassie gave Bucky a huge smile. 

"I like you. You're my favourite, right now."

Steve giggled which made Clint chuckle.

Bucky smiled at Cassie, his nervousness at being the centre of attention gone.

"So, Buck," Steve said. "How did you get here?"

Clint ignored the look Sam gave him and went to Bucky's rescue.

"Actually, Cap. There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" Steve asked, cautiously. 

Clint saw that Bucky had frozen out of the corner of his eye. Sam was staring down at his food but not eating it.

"Well, obviously, Bucky didn't get here by himself."

"Yeah, so..."

Clint sighed. 

"Tony's upstairs."

There was silence.

"Who's Tony?" Cassie asked.

"Iron Man," Sam whispered to her.

Steve didn't move or say anything.

Clint waited for him to do something.

"Okay."

"That's it?" Sam asked Steve.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," Clint said, "but I expected some anger or tears or anything other than whatever this is."

"What's the point in that? He's already here."

There was a bitterness in Steve's voice.

Clint sighed.

"You are angry."

"I never said I was angry."

Sam got up from the table and put his plate in the sink.

"I'll see you guys later." 

Sam left the room to get changed.

There was an awkward silence after he had left.

"I'm sorry. Tony was the only one who could help. If she would answer, it would be Natasha here right now."

"I understand." 

Both Clint and Bucky were holding their breath as they waited for Steve to say something else. 

He acted as though they weren't there anymore. He finished off his breakfast quickly and then left the room after ruffling Cassie's hair. 

Clint and Bucky looked at each other. 

"I think that went very well," Bucky said. 

Clint couldn't help but smile. He was starting to like Bucky. 

"I suppose it could have been worse." 

"What do you think is going to happen when they come face-to-face?" A worried look was on Bucky's face as he spoke. 

Clint narrowed his eyes at Bucky. 

"Which one are you more worried about?" 

Bucky looked confused at the question at first but when he understood (which took longer than it probably should), his face looked blank. 

Without betraying what he was feeling, Bucky said "I don't know." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I'm not sure my judgement should be trusted at the moment." 

"Okay... How does that link to my question?" 

"It means that what I think of Steve comes from a life I can't remember and what I think about Tony only comes from a couple of days of knowing him."

"So, you don't know what you think of them?" 

"I know what I think of them. I'm just not sure whether I should trust that." 

"This conversation's getting too confusing for me, especially early in the morning." 

"I understand what he's saying." 

Both Clint and Bucky were surprised at what Cassie said. She shrugged and continued eating. 

"Can you enlighten me then?" Clint asked. 

"He doesn't trust himself or his memories." 

"You are an adult in a child's body." 

Cassie grinned up at him before leaving the table to play on Scott's phone again. 

"Is she right?" 

Bucky nodded. 

Clint hesitated but talked himself into putting a hand on Bucky's shoulder. He waited until Bucky looked up, into his eyes. 

"It's alright to not trust yourself. Considering what happened to you, I'd be surprised if you did trust yourself. You're not alone you know."

Bucky didn't look convinced. 

"Most of the Avengers feel like they can't trust their own memories. I won't go into details because that's for them to tell you, not me but there's always someone around to help. If you want it, of course." 

The blank look was back on Bucky's face but his eyes showed that he was considering what Clint had said. 

Clint turned back to his breakfast. 

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PHONE?" 

Cassie giggled.


	22. Chapter twenty two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony run into each other.

Tony woke up slowly.

How long had he been asleep?

Tony rubbed a hand down his face and sat up. He glanced at the bed across the room.

Bucky must have gone downstairs. Good because his hair probably looked terrible.

Tony groaned as his stomach rumbled.

He forced himself to get out of bed. As he walked past the mirror, he looked into it and tried to do something with his hair so he didn't look like a zombie extra from the Walking Dead. He ended up forgetting it.

He opened his bedroom door... and walked straight into Steve.

Both Tony and Steve froze. 

His hair had to look ridiculous this morning, didn't it? 

Tony didn't want to be the first one to speak but neither did Steve. 

"Hi," Tony said. He felt stupid at the moment but he didn't want to say anything more in case he said something he was going to regret. 

Steve nodded and looked down at his feet. 

Tony took this time to really look at him. Clint had been hiding some things obviously. 

Steve looked like he had lost a lot of weight and his eyes were empty and lost. His hair looked different as well. Tony couldn't figure out what it was that made it different but he knew there was something wrong. 

"Steve?" 

When Steve looked up, Tony had the overwhelming feeling to look away. Those empty eyes were scaring him. 

"I'm sorry," Tony whispered. 

Tony shook his head and walked towards the stairs. 

"I'm going to get breakfast," Tony informed him, not looking back at him. 

"It's lunch time." 

Tony turned back at Steve's voice. 

"It is?" 

Steve nodded and stepped forward. 

"Yeah."

They stared at each other. The awkwardness was taking it's toll on Tony. 

"Okay," Tony said, "this is getting unnecessarily awkward. I'm sorry about what happened between us. And what I tried to do to Bucky. I was angry and I just... I couldn't..." 

Tony stopped and got his thoughts together before starting again. 

"Over the past couple of days, I've seen the man you used to know and no one will ever understand how guilty I feel. I understand if you don't want me around anymore and you want me to leave... but it's good to see you." 

Tony added quietly, "I missed you." 

He was certain that Steve had heard that last part, with his super hearing.

"I missed you too." Steve's voice sounded like he was barely keeping it together. 

Tony's heart broke into a million pieces. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to hug Steve but he didn't know if he would be pushing the boundaries if he did that. 

Steve answered that question when he walked forward and threw himself at Tony.

They both clung to each other like it was the last time they were going to see each other.

"I'm so sorry," Steve whimpered, "I... I..."

"Stop," Tony said, gently. "I know."

Tony buried his hands in Steve's hair, trying to sooth both him and Steve. However, when he did that, he realised what was wrong with Steve's hair that he couldn't identify earlier.

"Steve. Are you feeling okay?"

Steve shook his head. He was shaking.

Tony pushed him away and looked into his eyes. There were tears in them.

"Don't cry."

Steve sniffed and wiped the wetness in his eyes away. 

"There we go," Tony said. "Do you want to talk or-"

Tony was cut off by his own stomach rumbling way too loud.

"I think that answers my question for me. Do you want to come with me to get breakfast? Or I guess lunch?"

"Alright."

Tony smiled. This was an achievement in his book. At least Steve was still talking to him and didn't hate him.

They entered the living room and found Clint and Bucky fighting over what to watch on the TV.

"This day continues to get stranger."

Clint and Bucky looked up at his voice and both of their eyes widened.

Tony spared a glance towards Steve who looked shy.

Clint raised his eyebrows at Tony who subtly threw him a thumbs up.

"What's for lunch?" Tony asked.

"Whatever's in the kitchen. Take your pick. Get me something while you're at it."

"Nice try, Barton."

Tony walked into the kitchen and started looking around in drawers.

He smiled to himself when he saw that Steve had followed him into the kitchen.

Tony went about making a sandwich for himself and Steve.

Steve didn't speak while he was busy. He was sitting at the table watching Tony.

Tony liked the attention he was getting from Steve even though he made sure that Steve didn't know that.

"We're not watching Alvin and the Chipmunks!" Clint cried.

"I never said we should," Bucky argued. "You're the one that said randomly pick a channel."

Tony rolled his eyes and passed a finished sandwich to Steve. He sat down at the table with his own.

"I think letting Clint and Bucky be in charge of the TV should be avoided in the future."

Steve nodded his agreement.

Steve and Tony were silent as they ate. The only sounds that could be heard were Clint and Bucky's continued arguing.

Steve finished his lunch first.

"Thank you."

"That's alright. I like to help my favourite super soldier."

"Hey!" Bucky whined from the living room.

"Sue me, Barnes!"

Clint laughed. "Eat your heart out, Bucky."

Tony focused his attention back on Steve.

"So, do you want to talk?"

Steve avoided his eyes and shrugged.

Tony leaned forward across the table.

"Have you talked to Bucky at least?"

Steve nodded.

Tony sighed. Who was he kidding? Steve wouldn't want to talk to him.

"I wasn't lying when I said I missed you too."

Tony grinned. "I know. I'm irresistible."

"I'm being serious, Tony."

"What did you miss the most about me?"

Steve blushed. Tony loved it when he blushed. Steve looked adorable. 

"Can I just say I missed you, in general?" 

"No." 

Steve gulped. 

"Umm... How did you and Bucky get here?" 

"Alright, you can change the subject for now but we are coming back to that topic. I picked up Bucky in Wakanda and flew him over here. We made it to Dover before the Government shot us down. We had to drive the rest of the way. Remind me to never let Bucky loose with glue again." 

Steve chuckled quietly but there were undertones of fear. 

Tony knew how Steve felt because he felt the same. 

It was great to see Steve again. Just to know he was okay, of course. But he couldn't keep the memories from bubbling back up. 

Tony reached out towards Steve. His heart broke a bit more when Steve flinched away from him. 

"I'm not angry with you. Not anymore." 

"You should be," Steve whispered. 

"Why? I understand why you kept... that from me. I probably would've... Actually, I'm not sure what I would've done in that situation."

"You didn't deserve that." 

"Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. It doesn't matter anymore. It's over. We're just going to have to learn how to live with the consequences and move on. We can do that right? Because I didn't come here for a fight." 

Steve looked into his eyes. Tony found that he couldn't look away. Steve's eyes were more expressive than his words right now. 

Tony noticed how tired and helpless Steve looked. Through his eyes, it was like Steve was silently begging him to fix him. 

But Tony only knew how to fix robots, not people. He didn't even know exactly what was wrong with Steve and Steve didn't seem like the sharing type at the moment. To be honest, he never was the sharing type. 

Tony wanted to help him. So much. Like his life depended on it. But he didn't know what to do. 

"Fuck!" 

Steve and Tony both jumped and looked away from each other. 

"Barton!" 

Tony glared at the owner of the outburst. Him and Steve had been having a moment and Clint just ruined it. Idiot!

However, Clint's position almost made him forget about what had just happened. 

Clint was huddled up on the floor with his hands over his head. Bucky was standing over him with a triumphant look on his face. 

"Do you yield all ownership of the remote over to me?" Bucky said. 

"Yes, Lord Bucky, I yield." 

Tony smirked at the exchange. Living in the same house as Bucky was going to be fun.

He looked back at Steve who had a smile on his face. He wanted to see that smile on Steve all the time.

Steve seemed to notice he was staring. Steve looked at him and then gestured to the door.

Tony nodded and followed him outside. He shivered a bit at the cold but was much more interested in why Steve brought him out here.

"If you're going to do the whole "please forgive me" then don't. I've already said I'm not angry with you."

"I know."

"Then why am I standing in the cold, freezing my ass off?"

"So we could be alone."

Okay. That makes sense. 

Steve stepped forward towards Tony. 

Tony couldn't move away. There was something in Steve's eyes that made him stay where he was.

However, he really needed to leave because parts of his anatomy were starting to become uncomfortable. 

Steve walked forwards until he was right in front of Tony. 

Tony reached up and put his hand on the back of Steve's neck. He didn't even realise he was doing it until he had done it.

Steve didn't move away from him.

"The thing I missed the most about you was just being around you. I didn't realise what I felt about you until I lost you."

"What do you mean?" Tony asked. Although he knew exactly what Steve was saying. He just wanted to hear Steve say it.

Steve didn't say anything though.

Steve and Tony were only a few inches away from each other at this point.

Steve leant down closer to Tony's face.

"You guys out here?"

Steve and Tony both jumped. They were totally focused on each other so they didn't notice Clint coming outside.

They moved away from each other and turned towards Clint who didn't seem to notice what he had interrupted.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate you, Clint?"

"Love you too, Tony. You've got a call."

"From who?"

"You'll see."

Tony was curious now. He looked back to make sure Steve was following him before going back inside.

Everyone was now seated in the living room around Clint's phone.

Clint passed it over to Tony. He put it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Tony?"

Tony's eyes widened in surprise.

"Bruce?"


	23. Chapter twenty three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some surprise visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just realised that I haven't posted anything for nearly a week. I'm really sorry guys. I hope this chapter will make up for it. And next chapter will be up tomorrow without fail.

Bruce Banner walked through the front doors of the Avengers Compound.

He shook his head and tried to block out the bickering going on behind him. 

He was so happy to be home. Asgard and Sakaar were great but home was home. 

And the one thing he missed the most were his friends. 

They excepted him for who he was and none of them had a second thought against it. 

"Good afternoon, Doctor Banner."

"Hello, FRIDAY." 

FRIDAY sounded relieved when she spoke next. 

"I'm happy you are safe, Doctor Banner. I'm afraid that Boss isn't here right now." 

"Is anyone here?" 

A second later, a door opened. Rhodey walked through with a smile on his face. 

"Bruce, where have you been? It's good to see you." 

"It's good to see you too. I've been... around." 

He would've told Rhodey what happened to him but it would be easier to explain it to everyone at once. 

Rhodey then noticed that Bruce wasn't alone. 

"Thor!" He said, surprised. 

Thor cut the argument he was having with Loki short and turned to the others.

"Rhodey, it is good to see you again." 

Thor's smile radiated warmth like the sun. 

Bruce always found himself feeling calm when Thor smiled. Feeling calm was almost an alien concept until his friendship with Thor.

"It's good to have you guys back," Rhodey said, his gaze lingering on Loki but didn't say anything.

Loki sighed and rolled his eyes before turning away and disappearing to investigate the compound he had never been in.

"Is it okay to let him go wandering around by himself?" Rhodey asked, a worried look on his face.

"Don't worry," Bruce reassured.

"My brother has learnt his lesson and won't hurt anyone," Thor said, "hopefully."

Bruce had to smile at Thor's comment at the end. He knew that Thor desperately wanted his brother to be good. He could see the love he had for Loki in Thor's eyes. 

Even after everything that Loki had done to Earth, Bruce wanted both of them to be happy with each other.

Loki didn't seem to realise that he was everything to Thor now that both their parents had died. Even before that moment, Bruce suspected that Thor's feelings were the same.

There were some days that Bruce actually wanted to bang their heads together like they were naughty children.

Bruce was pulled out of his mind when Thor spoke.

"Where is everyone?"

Bruce wanted to know the answer to that question too. The compound was too quiet.

Rhodey sighed as though he was a bearer of bad news. Bruce suddenly didn't want to hear what had happened to everyone.

Rhodey opened his mouth to speak but was cut off when Loki skidded back into the room.

He ran up to them, frequently looking behind him as though something was following him, and grabbed Thor's arm.

"What's wrong?" Thor asked.

"There's this... thing," Loki said, cautiously, pointing down the corridor.

Bruce and Rhodey exchanged a look, both thinking the same thing.

After a moment, Vision entered the room through the wall. 

Loki jumped which made Thor jump at the sudden movement.

Rhodey laughed at the shocked look on Loki's face.

Bruce stepped forward towards Vision.

"Vision! How have you been?"

"I have been better, Doctor Banner."

"Is everything okay?" Thor asked.

Bruce glanced around at Thor and almost laughed aloud, like Rhodey was still doing, when he saw that Loki was still clinging to his brother's arm.

"No, it is not," Vision answered.

That caught Bruce's attention. Rhodey stopped laughing and Loki let go of Thor's arm with an embarrassed look on his face.

"Come with me," Rhodey said.

Bruce, Thor, Loki and Vision followed Rhodey into a conference room. The four of them sat down at the table while Rhodey retrieved something from a cabinet behind him.

Rhodey placed a large looking document on the table in front of them.

"What is that?" Bruce asked.

"This is the Sokovia Accords. Both of you are going to have to sign it unless you want the Government on your ass." He motioned to Bruce and Thor when he mentioned signing it.

"What?" Thor said, reaching for the Accords.

Rhodey explained about the UN's decision to enforce news laws about the Avengers.

To be honest, Bruce agreed with what the Accords said. He just didn't like that the Government would be the ones in control of them.

He also had a pretty good idea of why none of the other Avengers were here to greet them.

"Who signed it?" Loki asked. Bruce couldn't figure out what Loki thought about this. Thor had an outraged expression his face so it was obvious what he thought about it.

"Me, Vis and Tony."

Bruce nodded. He guessed that it would only be those three, hence why Rhodey and Vision were still here. But where was Tony?

"There's something I have to tell you," Rhodey said with a guilty expression on his face.

After exchanging a look with Vision, Rhodey explained everything to them. He explained what happened in Lagos, to the Accords, to the Winter Soldier, to Steve and Tony's falling out and finally to the fight in the airport.

Bruce, Thor and Loki were all silent throughout the story. Bruce didn't know what to think. How could the Avengers let themselves be torn apart like this?

"So, where are they?" Bruce asked.

"I don't know. Tony was here but a couple of nights ago, he just disappeared. I imagine he found out where the others are."

"Are you okay, Rhodey?" Thor asked. Thor and Bruce had both been upset when they heard about his injury and were angry with themselves that they hadn't noticed when they arrived.

"I'm fine. Tony's a miracle worker," Rhodey answered. Then he added quieter "even if some people don't think he is."

"I'm glad you're okay." Thor's voice was full of hurt. Hearing about his friends trying to hurt each other had broken him.

Strangely, Bruce felt his gaze go to Loki, instead of Thor. 

Loki looked like he desperately wanted to hug Thor and make everything okay but wanted to stay away from him at the same time.

Loki must have felt Bruce's gaze on him because he turned and looked into his eyes.

Bruce could see hurt in Loki's eyes as well, at his brother's suffering.

In that moment, Bruce understood more about the brothers relationship then he had in years.

Thor and Loki were so in tuned with each other that they felt each other's emotions.

Rhodey cleared his throat which caused Bruce and Loki to look away from each other.

"Have you tried calling Tony?" Bruce asked.

"He won't answer his phone. I was hoping that you still had one of the other's numbers. I... don't have them any more."

Bruce pulled out his phone. He had Tony, Clint and Natasha's numbers. He felt a bit annoyed with himself that he hadn't thought to get Steve's number, which was kind of strange, considering he was their Captain.

"I have Clint and Natasha's numbers."

"Call Clint," Rhodey said, quickly.

"Why not Natasha?" Bruce asked, worrying slightly.

"Umm... it's just that Natasha has a habit of not answering calls at the moment. Clint's more likely to answer."

"Okay."

Bruce dialled Clint's number, put his phone on speaker and laid it on the table.

"Bruce, that had better be you and not some asshole who has stolen your phone."

Bruce smiled at Clint's voice. It was good to hear from him.

"It's me," Bruce replied.

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds.

"Bruce, you motherfucker."

Bruce laughed out loud at the comment.

"Nice to hear from you too, Clint."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Asgard, what about you?"

"Fuck off, you have not!"

Bruce could hear Thor chuckling next to him.

"Hang on, who else is there?"

"Hey, Barton!" Thor said.

"Thor?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God. This is great. What? No! Sam, stop trying to take my phone. Why? Because I'm using it."

Bruce, Rhodey and Thor laughed at what was happening on the other end.

"Guys, I swear. You are going to hate these new additions to the crew." Clint raised his voice. "They're fucking ridiculous! Yeah, I mean you Barnes!"

Bruce could hear muffled conversation happening at the other end.

"Hello?" Came through the phone a second later. It was a child's voice.

"Um... Hi?" Bruce said back.

"Cassie!" Could be heard.

There was silence before Clint was speaking to them again.

"Sorry. Everyone's very excited to meet/see you guys again."

"It's alright," Thor replied. There was a huge smile on his face that rivalled Bruce's own. They were both happy to hear that their friends were fine.

Bruce chanced a glance towards Loki and saw that he too had a smile on his face, albeit it smaller.

"Barton, where's Tony?" Rhodey asked.

"Rhodes, that you?"

"Yes."

There was pause. "How are you doing?"

"I'll tell you once I've talked to Tony."

"Right," Clint said, sounding distracted. He seemed to pull himself together after a few seconds though.

"Bucky, where's Stark?" Clint shouted.

"How am I supposed to know?" They heard the muffled reply back.

Clint huffed. "Give me a minute."

The phone went silent again.

Bruce turned to look at Thor who smiled back. Everything was going to go fine. Tony was fine.

"Hello?"

"Tony?"

There was a pause.

"Bruce?"

"Yeah. Hey, Tony."

"Hi."

Bruce could hear how relieved Tony sounded at hearing that he was okay.

"Are you okay?" Bruce could hear his own voice softening while talking to Tony.

"I...I'm not sure."

Bruce breathed slowly to keep his voice calm when he next spoke.

"What's wrong?"

There was no answer. Bruce avoided Rhodey's eyes as he willed Tony to say something.

"Am I on speaker?" Tony said, finally.

"Possibly."

Bruce knew there was a grin on Tony's face.

"Who else is there?" 

"Thor, Rhodey, Vision..." Bruce looked up at Loki. Loki shook his head. 

"Thor's there?"

"Hey, Tony."

"Hey, Point Break."

"We need to have a serious chat about that nickname," Thor said. 

Tony laughed.

"So, do you guys know what's happened?"

"Rhodey told us everything," Bruce answered.

"Not everything," Tony corrected, "just everything he knows."

"There's more?" Rhodey asked.

They could hear Tony taking a deep breath.

"Yes, there's a lot more."

Bruce prompted him when Tony didn't elaborate.

"My parents didn't die in a car crash," Tony said, quietly.

Rhodey had frozen where he stood.

Bruce suddenly felt as though this was something to discuss face-to-face.

"Tony?" Bruce said.

Bruce could hear Tony mumbling incoherently to himself.

"Tony!"

When Tony didn't answer, Bruce looked around at Thor who was looking as worried as he probably was. Rhodey was staring at the phone, still frozen. Vision looked helpless. None of them knew what to do to help him without actually being there.

"Stark!" 

Bruce jumped at Loki's voice but it seemed to do the trick.

Tony's rambling had stopped and there was just silence.

"Loki?"

"Unfortunately," Loki said with a sigh.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to save the world." 

It was said in such a deadpanned way that Bruce couldn't help but laugh.

Tony laughed as well.

"I'm glad I'm leaving the fate of the world in your hands," Tony said. "I need a break."

"Ahh. You don't want to help me, Stark?"

Tony laughed again.

"You still owe me a drink, by the way," Loki said, leaning back in his chair.

"It's my highest priority."

Both Thor and Bruce were surprised with how well Loki had handled the situation. Tony had sounded as though he was on the edge of a panic attack but now he sounded completely fine.

He was also surprised at how Tony and Loki interacted. Bruce had expected some anger, suspicion or betrayal in his voice when he spoke.

"So, Reindeer Games," Loki smiled at the nickname, "what actually brings you to Earth?"

"Ask my brother, who decided Asgard needed to be destroyed."

"Hey, I did it to save our people," Thor argued.

Loki shrugged.

"Hang on!" Tony said. "You destroyed Asgard before I got a chance to see it!"

Bruce laughed. "Guess who did get to see it, Tony!"

"I hate you, Bruce. We're officially no longer friends."

"Haha. You owe me two hundred."

Tony laughed. "Fuck you!"

"What do you mean, two hundred?" Thor asked.

"We had a bet," Tony explained, "about who was going to get to see Asgard first."

"And I won!" Bruce exclaimed. "Cough up, Stark!"

"What, you want me to just hand it through the phone?" 

Bruce laughed. "Well, Rhodey said you were a miracle worker."

"How dare you give away my secret, Rhodey!"

Rhodey smiled.

"So, anyway," Bruce said, getting his mind back on track. "Where are you guys?"

"England. The others had to go into hiding."

"Oh, yeah," Rhodey said, suddenly remembering something. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

Tony hesitated.

"I think it's better if you guys see what is going on."

"What do you mean?" Bruce asked.

"I mean that I'm going to give you guys the address and you're going to come here and see for yourselves what has happened."

"Has something bad happened?" 

"Yes and no. But I could do with your help, Bruce."

"Alright. We'll be there soon."

"Make sure you bring Dasher with you!" 

That was the last thing Tony said before he hung up.

Bruce smiled. 

"I guess you're coming with us," he said to Loki.

"I guess so." 

Loki had a smile on his face and didn't seem to mind entering a house where lots of people who didn't trust him were living.

"Well," Rhodey said. "We had better get going."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone is confused, this takes place just after Thor Ragnarok. 
> 
> (Sorry, no adventures on Asgard for the rest of the Avengers.) 
> 
> However, some things have been changed in my timeline. 
> 
> Specifically, the mid credit scene. No ship shows up in front of theirs. 
> 
> Also, there is no Valkyrie in this because she is helping Heimdall with settling the Asgardians into their new home on Earth. 
> 
> I know, I want some of the badass character too but I just don't think that she will really fit in with what I'm planning to do with my fanfiction.


	24. Chapter twenty four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things go down-hill for Steve but some things do start to get better for him.

Bucky laughed as Tony tripped over his feet on the way to the kitchen.

Tony glared at him but it was playful. He passed Clint's phone back to him.

"Everything alright?" Clint asked.

"Yeah. Be prepared for Rhodey, Vision, Bruce, Thor and... Loki to turn up later."

Clint froze. "Loki?"

"Yeah, Rock of Ages is back."

Clint nodded and stayed silent.

Tony put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Thor will keep an eye on him. It'll be fine."

Clint smiled at him and then smacked Bucky in the back of his head.

"Ow!" Tony was sure that it didn't hurt Bucky. "What was that for?"

"For laughing at Tony, dickhead."

"Aw. Are you standing up for me, Barton?"

"Enjoy it while it lasts."

Steve joined them in the kitchen.

"Where did you go?" Tony asked.

"Bathroom," Steve replied.

Steve and Tony stared at each other.

"I'm not sure whether to call this hot," Clint said.

Bucky choked on his drink.

Tony turned to Clint. "Excuse me?"

"The sexual tension between you two can be cut with a knife."

"I agree," Bucky said with a smirk on his face.

Tony froze. They noticed? Shit, if they noticed, that meant everyone else did too.

"It's alright," Clint said, "we'll keep your dirty secret." Clint winked at Tony.

Steve was blushing and looking shy.

"There's nothing going on between us," Tony said.

"Right," Bucky said.

Clint and Bucky just grinned at both of them, making Tony uncomfortable.

Bucky noticed and looked away.

Clint was not as merciful.

"So, how long has this been going on?"

To Tony's surprise, Steve was the one that answered.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Barton," Steve joked.

Clint whistled but let it go, knowing he would be fighting a losing battle to get more information.

Steve walked into the living room and sat down beside Sam who was flicking through channels.

Tony followed him, leaving Clint and Bucky to their thoughts about how long their relationship had gone on.

Cassie was playing with a few toys on the carpet and Scott was laying across the other sofa.

Tony sat on the arm of the sofa Scott was laying on.

Scott smiled surprisingly friendly at him.

Tony decided to tell them about the new arrivals that would be arriving shortly.

Sam smiled and Scott looked excited to finally be meeting Thor and Bruce. They weren't so happy about meeting Loki but they didn't make a big deal about it which Tony was grateful for.

He didn't really know why he wanted Loki to be here, considering the last time they were alone in a room together, he was thrown out of a window.

Tony, Sam and Scott made conversation while watching some gameshow on the TV.

Steve had been quiet for a while and after about twenty minutes, he had fallen asleep with his head resting against Sam's shoulder.

The three of them all smiled at the sight. 

Tony could hear Clint and Bucky laughing in the kitchen about something. He was quite sure it was about him and Steve but instead of getting angry, he just smiled at the sound. It was good to be back with his friends. He would appreciate their presence a lot more from now on.

Steve grumbled in his sleep. Tony wondered whether he should wake Steve up to make sure his dreams wouldn't get worse but Sam shook his head. 

Tony got up and joined Clint and Bucky in the kitchen.

He laughed when he saw that they had eaten half of a huge cake between them.

"Where did that come from?"

"Your ass," Clint retaliated.

"Hmm... It should taste great then."

He took a piece of the cake and ate it. It was good!

"So, how's Steve?"

"Not as good as your wife."

Bucky had to bury his face in his hands to keep from laughing hysterically.

"Very funny, Stark."

"She thought so."

Clint chuckled and kicked out a seat. He motioned for Tony to join them.

"I meant, is Steve feeling alright?" 

"Maybe. But unfortunately, Barton, I have not yet learned the secret of telepathy so I don't know for sure."

"What a joyful day that will be."

Tony smiled and took another slice of cake.

"Hey!" Bucky complained. "This is ours."

"Do I look like I care?"

Bucky glared at him and lightly kicked him under the kitchen table.

Clint laughed at the exchange. 

"So, when did you say the others are going to get here?"

"Hopefully some time tonight. It all depends if they can get over here without drawing attention. Not to mention, it's a long flight from America to England."

"Yeah," Clint agreed.

"Guys!" 

Tony, Clint and Bucky ran into the living room at the panicked shout.

When they first entered, they weren't sure what was wrong.

Steve had woken back up. He was standing beside the sofa.

Sam had moved away from him, towards Scott who was now sitting up.

Cassie had abandoned whatever she was doing and was hiding behind Sam's legs.

Steve turned to stare at them. The minute he saw Tony, anger filled his eyes. 

"Shit!" Clint whispered, behind Tony. "Bucky, if this gets bad, I need you to help me hold him down."

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked.

His question wasn't answered, however, as Steve started walking towards Tony.

He was moving slowly, like a predator would, honing in on it's prey.

Everyone seemed to notice this.

"Scott, take Cassie and get out," Sam murmured. 

Scott slowly picked up Cassie and left as quietly as he could, trying not to startle Steve.

Steve was completely focused on Tony though, anger still present in his eyes.

There was something else in Steve's eyes. It looked like lust, although Tony was certain that it wasn't the type of lust he was looking for.

After a nod from Clint, Sam left the room as well.

After a moment, Steve stopped. He wasn't close to Tony but he felt claustrophobic nonetheless.

Suddenly, Steve moved. He was so fast that Tony wasn't sure what had happened.

Bucky was just as fast though, if not faster. Within the next second, Steve had been thrown across to the other side of the room.

Tony's mind was blank with fear. What the hell was going on? Why was Steve trying to hurt him?

Steve didn't back down. Bucky was on the ground within seconds but he had pulled Steve down with him. 

Bucky rolled on top of Steve and grabbed his hands. He trapped Steve's hands in his metal hand above Steve's head.

Steve was doing his best to get away even though it was useless.

Steve's eyes flashed over to Tony. Tony didn't notice that he had fallen to his knees.

Clint was kneeling next to him now. 

"Don't look." 

Tony couldn't look away from the hatred in Steve's eyes. Clint covered his eyes and pulled Tony's head into his chest. 

Tony grabbed hold of Clint's shirt and was grateful that he could no longer see Steve.

He could hear him though. 

Steve had started to shout non-sensical words. Bucky seemed to still have a hold on him though. It was amazing how much Tony had come to trust Bucky over the past couple of days.

He heard people enter the room. Tony pushed away from Clint and saw that Sam had re-entered the room. This time with Wanda.

Wanda went straight over to Steve and Bucky.

She placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky's erratic breathing and fear left when Wanda's eyes lit up red. 

Red magic left her hand and slinked it's way towards Steve. He tried to move away from it but it kept moving forward. Once inside his head, Tony could see that Steve was trying to fight it. Tony flinched at the red colour his eyes had changed into. In the end, Steve grew limp and his eyes closed.

Wanda retracted the magic. Tony now noticed the look of pain on her face.

Tony couldn't imagine what it must be like to be inside someone's head. Especially someone who was suffering like Steve was.

Wanda fell to her knees from exhaustion. Bucky climbed off of Steve and helped Wanda back up to her feet.

Bucky smiled at her. 

"Thank you," he said.

"Don't mention it," she said, breathless.

Bucky did something that made Tony, Clint and Sam all stare at him.

He picked Wanda up, bridal style, and held her close. She rested against his chest and fell asleep.

He smiled and turned to Sam.

"Where is her room?" Bucky asked.

"Follow me."

The three of them left the room, Bucky carrying Wanda the whole way.

"Bucky seems to be fitting in," Clint said.

Tony didn't answer. Every part of him was focused on Steve who was laying unconscious on the carpet.

"What was that?" Tony whispered.

"Remember when I told you that Steve nearly killed Sam?" 

"Seems like it was weeks ago but yes."

"We couldn't hold him down long enough."

"Why did he do that?"

Clint sighed.

"We're not sure. Whenever we try and bring it up, he changes the subject. We tried to force him to tell us but... it didn't go very well."

Tony stood up and went over to Steve. He kneeled beside him.

Steve opened his eyes slowly and stared up at him. The anger had gone from his eyes.

"Tony?" Steve's voice sounded so small. "You're still here?"

"Of course I am."

"I didn't..."

Hurt you, was what Tony was sure was supposed to end that sentence.

Tony wanted to cry at how scared Steve sounded. But he had to stay strong. For Steve.

"I'm fine," he whispered back. 

He completely forgot Clint was still in the room. Tony reached up and ran a hand through Steve's hair. Steve closed his eyes at the contact.

"I'm so sorry," Steve said.

"Look at me."

Tony vaguely heard Clint leave the room as Steve opened his eyes.

"I'm fine," Tony said, "and I'm not going anywhere."

Steve sat up. Tony stroked the back of his head which calmed him down.

Steve looked into his eyes and moved closer.

Tony clutched at Steve's hair and pulled him in the rest of the way.

They kissed.

It was as simple as that, yet it didn't feel simple.

Emotions that he hadn't felt for years bubbled up inside him and took control.

He tried to pull Steve as close to him as he could and not let go. He never wanted to leave this moment.

It felt right. To be honest, it felt like something that should have happened a long time ago.

Steve pulled away from him to breathe. Tony hadn't noticed he had been holding his breath the whole time and possibly for the last few minutes too. 

Steve looked into his eyes. Tony felt safe looking into them now. The dread from the situation not two minutes ago was gone completely.

He felt so relieved and happy that he giggled. Goddamn giggled. Tony Stark doesn't giggle, yet here he was giggling like a twelve year old girl at a sleepover.

After a few seconds, Steve started to giggle as well.

Jesus! The pair of them were ridiculous! But it was the way things were supposed to be. Or at least, how Tony had wanted things to go.

"Wow, I'm back living with teenage girls."

They both turned and saw Bucky standing in the doorway. He was smiling.

"When was the last time you lived with teenage girls?" Tony asked, smiling back.

"You know, when I was living with my sister and Steve."

"Jealous, Buck?" Steve asked.

"Oh yeah. Totally."

Bucky winked at Tony and then left them to it. 

"So, you're a girl apparently."

"Apparently so."

Tony stroked his hand down Steve's chest.

"Maybe we should find out."

"Not now."

"Why not?" 

"Because I'm likely to fall asleep on you."

Tony laughed.

"Busy day, young man?"

"More like emotional day."

Tony got up to his feet and then pulled Steve up after him.

"Well, I wouldn't want to keep you from your much needed rest," Tony said, wiggling his eyebrows.

He made to turn away but Steve grabbed his arm and pulled him back around to face him.

"Don't go too far." There was faint hint of panic in Steve's voice.

"I won't," Tony promised, "ever again."


	25. Chapter twenty five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Scott struggle with their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit. Has it really been over a week since I last posted a chapter? That shows a lot about my time management skills. 
> 
> Anyway, we take a break from Steve/Tony for now as they are asleep. Or at least should be asleep (looking at you Tony). 
> 
> Instead we get to join another blossoming relationship. And by blossoming, I mean they get to every single base in one night. 
> 
> I will address concerns at the end of the chapter as I know this chapter might be a bit confusing. So be prepared for that. 
> 
> Also, as I hinted at before, there will be a little bit of smut in this chapter so if you don't like that sort of thing, you might want to skip this chapter. 
> 
> Otherwise, I will shut up and I hope you enjoy! :)

Clint had to leave. He had to.

He felt claustrophobic being inside the house.

He hated when Steve got like that. 

He was shaking and wasn't watching where his feet were taking him. 

Before he knew it, Clint was sitting in a corner at the back of the barn in the back garden.

The silence was comforting but Steve's screams still rang in his ears. The anger on Steve's face was terrifying. If Bucky hadn't been there...

Jesus. He didn't realise that he had put his friend's life and possibly his own in the hands of an unstable assassin.

Then again, his time with Bucky over the last day hadn't been bad. When Bucky didn't have a blank, unsettling look on his face, he was good company.

Clint took a deep breath and tried to think about something else, anything else.

He loved his friends, he really did but he couldn't be around them at the moment.

He thought about his family instead.

But that just made guilt flow through him.

How could he have left again? Laura probably hated him. He hadn't spoken to her in three months. He didn't even know how his kids were doing. 

He had probably missed so much. He knew he missed Cooper's parent-teacher night, Lila's birthday and Nate's new friends from the new nursery he wasn't there to take him to for the first time.

Clint sighed. He missed them so much. 

Everything had gone wrong since he joined Cap. It was for a good reason, he knew that. 

They couldn't let the Government control them. Everything would be a lot worse if they had signed the Accords. 

Although, he could also argue that things were worse now.

The world is afraid of the Avengers and now they don't even have the Avengers to protect them.

Just stuck in some farm house, not knowing whether the world is in danger or not.

Clint put his head in his hands. 

Part of him would always blame himself.

If he hadn't joined in at the fight at the airport, if he hadn't had betrayed Tony then things would be, possibly, better.

He sighed and ignored the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

His chest felt like it was being squeezed. He was struggling to breathe. But Clint didn't care. He deserved to be punished for what he did, for how he betrayed people who were supposed to be his friends.

His descent into pain and depression froze as the door to the barn opened.

*****

Scott entered the barn. This had to be the place where Clint went. He had checked everywhere else. 

He heard a small sniff. 

Scott slowly made his way to the back of the barn. 

Clint was crawled up in a ball in the corner. Scott made his way over and kneeled in front of him.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

Clint looked up at him. Tears were rolling down his face.

"I can't deal with this anymore. This is killing me. Everything is just... going wrong. I don't know what to do."

Scott felt the pull that he had felt for the past few days. Clint was looking at him in a way that he had never looked at him before. 

When Clint looked at his lips, Scott couldn't hold back.

He leant forward and kissed Clint. Clint pushed him away.

"We can't do this. Our families..."

"They don't need to know about this," Scott said. 

He couldn't believe he just said that. Why did he just say that? Something was wrong with him but the only thing he could think about was Clint.

Clint seemed to be thinking the same.

He reached forwards and grabbed the front of Scott's shirt.

They were kissing again and Scott could think of nothing else.

He put his hands in Clint's hair and brought him closer. 

Clint moaned into his mouth and pushed his tongue into Scott's mouth. Scott welcomed him.

He pushed Clint onto the ground and climbed on top of him. 

Clint stopped him when he was laying on the ground.

"I still don't think we should do this."

"Don't stop me, Clint. You need something to calm you down. This won't lead to anything. We never have to speak about it again after today. I know you want this too. You can feel it like I can."

Clint's breathing was going very fast and Scott was slightly worried that he would faint. 

Clint reached up to touch Scott's face.

"Do it," was all Clint said.

Scott started a heated kiss with Clint and parted his legs. He positioned himself between Clint's legs and ground down onto Clint's cock.

Clint gasped and threw his head back. Scott wanted to see that look on his face again.

He undid Clint's jeans and pulled them off him. All of Clint's and his own clothes were off within a few moments.

Scott rubbed against Clint again and smiled as Clint gasped. Clint gripped his shoulders with a death grip that Scott knew would leave marks on his skin.

It was getting harder and harder to think properly and Scott didn't realise that they had been doing this for twenty minutes.

He blinked and realised that he was already opening Clint with two fingers. 

Huh, when had that happened?

That thought was pushed out of Scott's mind seconds later.

Clint groaned and pushed back onto Scott's fingers. Scott moaned at the look of pleasure on Clint's face.

He pulled his fingers out and lined his cock up with Clint's entrance.

Scott pushed in. 

After that moment, everything moved too quickly. Scott's mind was so jumbled. 

Two hours later he found himself laying next to Clint on the barn floor.

Scott looked over at Clint and saw that he was being stared at.

"Oh my God!" Clint said, looking shocked. "Did we really just do that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah that happened. 
> 
> By the way, if anyone (and I'm guessing it's most if not all of you) is confused by why any of this happened, there is a reason. 
> 
> That reason will be revealed later on as it would spoil the ending. 
> 
> So have fun wondering what the hell just happened. 
> 
> I'm wondering why I'm so talkative today. I guess I'm just really happy that so many people like this fanfiction. It's my first Marvel one so I'm really excited about it. 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry I'm still talking but I want your opinion on whether I should change the rating to explicit or not. I'm not sure. As you are the ones reading I think you should have an opinion. 
> 
> One last thing before I finally stop. Has anyone seen the Avengers: Infinity War trailer yet? Because I think I may have died from excitement.


	26. Chapter twenty six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve seeks comfort from Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I wrote more in the notes last chapter than I did in the actual chapter so I'll make sure to keep this brief. 
> 
> We're back to Steve and Tony! Yay! 
> 
> Or I guess Steve and Bucky with a little bit of Tony thrown in. Oh well. 
> 
> Things will start to get really exciting soon! I can't wait for you guys to read what's to come!

Steve woke slowly and sighed with relief at how comfortable he felt. 

For the first time in three months, he hadn't had a nightmare. 

He couldn't remember the actual dream he had had but he remembered how content he had felt.

He had been worried about what he would dream about.

What if it had been about Siberia again? Tony was laying in the bed next to him. What if he had acted violently and hurt Tony... or worse?

Steve looked to the side at where Tony was asleep.

It had taken both of them a while to get to sleep and Steve was relieved that Tony had finally managed to get to sleep.

Looking at him, Steve saw how tired and vulnerable Tony really was.

Steve reached up slowly, trying not to move the bed. He put his hand in Tony's soft hair and enjoyed the way that Tony smiled and leant into his touch.

He retrieved his hand and shuffled out of the bed, trying not to wake Tony who had started muttering incoherently in his sleep. He was still smiling so Steve wasn't worried about the muttering. Tony was constantly talking while he was awake so he shouldn't be surprised that Tony talks in his sleep.

A calm, relaxing feeling spread through Steve's body.

He was safe here.

Although he was safe, there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that instantly made him want some company. Awake company.

His first thought was to wake up Tony but Tony was finally getting a good night sleep. And he looked so peaceful. 

Steve didn't want to ruin that.

He knew that Tony wouldn't mind if he was woken up, especially if it was by him but Steve couldn't.

He looked back at Tony's sleeping figure one last time before leaving the room.

It was still dark outside and he couldn't hear any movement. Everyone must be asleep.

Steve sighed and went to go back into his bedroom when he heard a noise.

Someone was moving around downstairs.

Steve went to investigate.

He weirdly wasn't imagining an intruder that had broken into the house.

In fact, he already had an idea of who was down there.

His suspicions were proved correct when he entered the living room.

"Bucky?"

Bucky looked up at Steve. There was a blank look on his face for about a minute before a small smile fought its way onto Bucky's face.

"Hey, Stevie. You okay?"

Steve nodded.

"I just wanted some company but I can go if-"

"Don't be stupid," Bucky interrupted. "Come here."

Steve made his way across the room and took a seat next to Bucky on the sofa.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked.

Bucky looked Steve in the eyes and Steve was surprised to see how much emotion was being conveyed through them.

There was pain, fear, sadness, confusion and concern.

"It doesn't matter. Why are you awake?"

Steve frowned at Bucky's evasion.

"Answer my question, then I'll answer yours."

Bucky sighed. He was silent for a few moments.

Steve was surprised when he saw a single tear roll down Bucky's face.

"I can't control him."

Steve frowned again and waited for Bucky to elaborate.

"I thought that if I'm not triggered, he wouldn't bother me. That he's dormant when I'm awake." 

"Who?" Even though he knew who Bucky was talking about, he couldn't quite believe it.

Bucky shook his head. 

"I'm sorry. I don't want to worry you with this. You need more help than I do."

"I'm not sure whether to be offended by that or not but I don't need help right now. You went through so much, more than me. You are allowed to ask for help, you know. You don't have to be indestructible all the time."

Steve could see that the Soldier's programming was screaming inside Bucky's head, telling him that he shouldn't show weakness. 

A noise came out of Bucky's throat that sounded like he sobbed but tried to stop himself.

Steve put an arm around Bucky's shoulders.

"It's okay," he whispered.

Bucky leant into him and let his tears loose.

Steve held him while he cried and whispered comforting words to him.

Steve waited until Bucky moved away from him.

"Feel better?"

Bucky nodded.

"Thank you. I've just felt so lost and scared. The Soldier is constantly in my head. His habits are tearing me apart. I'm so worried that I'll hurt someone by mistake. I'm angry all the time. I don't want to lose myself."

"You won't. I know you won't," Steve comforted. "You're the strongest person I know. You spent seventy years working for those bastards and you're still here. You haven't lost yourself yet. And remember, we're all here for you. We'll work this out. It'll be alright."

Steve wasn't entirely sure who he was trying to comfort now but Bucky seemed to appreciate his effort.

Bucky smiled and ruffled Steve's hair.

"Love you, Stevie."

Steve chuckled.

"So do I."

Steve and Bucky jumped and looked up at the entrance to the living room.

Steve couldn't help but smile at Tony who was walking over to them with some serious bed hair. Steve wasn't sure whether Tony was properly awake yet.

Tony stopped in front of both of them. Steve watched as Tony looked over Bucky, lingering on the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Tony stood there for a minute while his brain caught up to him. Then he moved and went to sit on Bucky's lap. He kicked his legs up until they were laying on Steve's lap.

The surprised look on Bucky's face almost made Steve laugh out loud.

"So," Tony started. "How are my favourite super soldiers?"

Bucky smiled at Tony's attempt to lighten the mood. 

Steve was about to reply when the back door opened. 

The three of them watched as an uncomfortable looking Clint was followed by an equally uncomfortable Scott. 

"Where have you guys been?" Tony asked. 

Clint and Scott both blushed and avoided looking at each other. They both rushed out a quiet excuse and then fled from the room. 

Steve frowned at the door they had just left through. Something was clearly wrong with both of them. He had never seen either of them look that uncomfortable. Not even mentioning the fact that, normally, Clint would have taken that opportunity to make fun of Tony sitting on Bucky. 

"Ten bucks they're sleeping together," Tony said, with a smirk. 

"You're on," Bucky replied.

Steve shook his head and laughed. 

"Sorry I left you Tony." 

Tony waved his hand. 

"Forget it. Bucky Bear needed you more than I did." 

Steve looked back at Bucky who had gone back to staring into space with a blank expression on his face. 

Tony followed Steve's line of sight and tried to get Bucky's attention back on himself. 

"So, Buckster, I wanted to thank you." 

"For what?"

"For last night." 

Steve sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, remembering what he had tried to do to Tony. He vaguely felt someone grab his hand. 

"You don't have to thank me, Tony. I owe you a lot-" 

"No! You owe me nothing! I'm not angry with you, Bucky. Not anymore. I've already told you that I forgive you." 

Bucky smiled and laid his head on Tony's shoulder. 

Steve leant sideways and cuddled up into Bucky's side while he gripped Tony's hand like it was the last time he would be able to hold Tony.

"This is a beautiful sight." 

"Fuck yourself, Wilson," Tony replied. 

Sam laughed and waved to them as he left for his morning run. 

"I honestly don't understand how someone can get up this early to do something like running," Tony remarked. 

"I used to," Steve said. 

"Yes but you're not normal." 

Bucky tried to hold in his laugh. 

"Thanks Tony," Steve replied. 

"Don't mention it." 

There was a huge grin on Tony's face and Steve couldn't help but smile back. 

"You're such an idiot." 

"Thank you very much." 

"I'm not sure whether to call this flirting or not," Bucky piped up. 

"I would call it flirting, if Steve knew how to flirt." 

"Hey!"


	27. Chapter twenty seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce, Thor, Loki, Rhodey and Vision arrive.

Bucky smiled when he saw Tony sitting near the window. He was staring out of it and looking down the road, no doubt waiting for the moment when his friends would arrive.

Bucky was excited to meet Thor and Bruce. He had heard a lot of good things about them and he was fascinated by both of their powers. 

He took a seat on the windowsill and faced Tony. 

"Sitting there won't make them come any faster." 

"It's five o clock. They've had all day to get here!" 

"Stop moaning. It takes a while to get here. You know that." 

Tony sighed. 

"Doesn't mean I have to like it." 

Bucky smiled at Tony and then looked out the window himself. 

A lot was on his mind at the moment, especially after the events of the morning. He wanted to forget about the Soldier, about everything he has done and take this second chance to lead a better life. 

"Do you think I deserve a second chance?" He whispered, avoiding eye contact with Tony. 

"Everyone deserves a second chance," Tony said, straightaway. 

"I don't think I qualify in the 'everyone' category." 

"Bucky, you're just like the rest of us. You've just gone through different traumas. That doesn't make you seperate from the rest of us though." 

Bucky wasn't so sure. He had spent most of his life as a weapon. It was all he knew. Getting his memories back means that he remembers how to be a human. 

But did that make him one?

"You're not a weapon anymore," Tony said, seemingly reading his mind. "Anyone who says otherwise will personally get a punch in the face." 

Bucky chuckled. A thought occured to him. 

"Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you would hate me." 

"Anger makes people do terrible things. I let my anger get the better of me in Siberia. It wasn't your fault. I'm angry that you were the one to do it, that they forced you to do that."

Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Bucky's mind noted that Tony looked stressed and tired. 

"But even then it wasn't really you I was angry with," Tony continued, "I just took my anger out on you. I was angry that Steve knew and didn't even think to tell me. I just felt... betrayed, I guess."

Bucky understood that. If Steve had done the same to him, he would have been angry too. However, he also understood why Steve had kept that information to himself. 

How would you tell someone that and not hurt them? 

He now knew how Steve felt about Tony. Steve's first thought would have been to not hurt Tony and protect him from hard truths like that. 

Bucky sighed. Why did life have to be so complicated?

"Hey, Barton!" 

Bucky turned around and saw Clint walking towards them. 

"Yeah?" 

"What's up with you and Scott?" Tony asked. 

Clint blushed. 

"Nothing," he said, a bit too quickly. 

Tony smirked. 

"Uh huh." 

Tony raised his eyebrows at Clint. 

Clint's attention got caught by something outside before he could figure out something to say. 

"They're here." 

Clint disappeared and Tony soon vanished after squealing with a look of pure happiness on his face. 

Bucky watched from the window as the quinjet landed. 

*****

"Bruce!" Tony shouted. 

Bruce smiled at him and held his arms out. 

Tony hugged him as soon as he had reached him. 

"I guess that means you missed me." 

"Of course I missed you."

Tony clung to Bruce, longer than was probably socially acceptable. 

"Tony!" 

Tony let go of Bruce but only to run and put his arms around Thor. 

"It's good to see you, Point Break." 

"It's good to see you too. Are you okay?" 

"Depends what your definition of 'okay' is." 

Tony pulled away and looked at the rest of the group. 

Tony's eyes were drawn to Rhodey's. Rhodey had his arms crossed and a disapproving look on his face. 

"Sorry for leaving without telling you." 

Rhodey rolled his eyes and beckoned him closer. He fell into Rhodey's arms and let himself be held for a while before pulling away. 

Tony smiled at Vision, who smiled back and turned to the last member of the group. 

Loki was standing next to Thor but also slightly behind him as though he didn't want to be rude but didn't want to be noticed at the same time. 

"Wow. You look even more uncomfortable than me in a nursery, Reindeer Games." 

Loki rolled his eyes and looked to something just behind Tony. 

Tony looked over his shoulder and saw that Clint had stopped a few feet behind him. 

Now Tony understood why Loki looked as uncomfortable as he did. Although he found it kind of funny that Loki was using Thor as a shield. 

Tony sighed and then spotted Bucky lingering by the doorway. 

"Buckster! Come meet everyone!" 

He glared at Rhodey when he looked like he wanted to protest. 

When Bucky didn't move, Clint glared at Loki one last time before turning around and going over to Bucky. 

"That is the Winter Soldier?" Thor asked. 

"Yes. As you can see, he's a bit wary around new people." 

Bruce nodded, completely understanding. 

A few seconds later, Bucky was standing next to Tony. Tony smiled reassuringly at him. 

Bucky looked up at the group with a blank expression. Tony was tired of seeing that blank look. 

"Hi," Bruce said, a bit shyly. 

Bucky smiled slightly at him and held out his flesh hand. Bruce took it with a similar smile. 

"Bruce Banner." 

"Bucky Barnes." 

Bucky then turned to Thor. 

"Hello," Bucky said. He seemed to be more cautious of Thor than any of the others. Thor noticed this. 

"Do not be afraid, Son of Barnes. I do not care for your past. Those horrible things you have done will not be mentioned by me." 

Tony and Clint stifled their laughter. 

"Do you know the meaning of the word 'subtle', brother?" 

Tony couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. 

"Thank you, Thor," Bucky said with a smile on his face.

"Anyway," Rhodey interrupted, "why did you tell us to come, Tony? What's happened?" 

Tony and Bucky exchanged a look. Tony glanced towards Clint, who had gone back to glaring at Loki. 

"Tony?" Bruce prompted. 

"It's Steve." 

"What about him?" Thor asked. 

Clint was looking at Tony now. 

Tony shrugged in defeat. 

"See for yourself," Clint said, motioning towards the house.

They made their way to the front door. 

Clint, who was walking through the door first, almost walked straight into Scott. 

Tony and Bucky watched with barely contained laughter at the way Clint and Scott blushed and tried to walk around each other but ended up keep getting in each other's ways. 

"I think you owe me ten bucks," Tony whispered to Bucky. 

"Not until he verbally confirms it," Bucky whispered back. 

"I hate you." 

At that, Bucky pushed past the awkward silence between Clint and Scott and made his way to the living room. Clint took a deep breath and followed Bucky.

"Scott, meet Thor, Bruce and Loki." 

"Hey," Scott said, regaining his composure. 

*****

"What's really going on between you and Scott?" 

"I don't know," Clint answered. 

Bucky put a hand on Clint's shoulder. 

"Something's wrong," Bucky said. "I can see it in your eyes." 

"It's nothing. Something happened between me and Scott. Don't worry about it. I'll sort it out."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" 

"I don't think so. This needs to be sorted out between us. But thanks."

Bucky moved away from Clint, towards the kitchen. 

Clint sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands.

Why had he let things with Scott go that far? And why was there this strange void in his mind where he couldn't remember anything that happened between them the night before yet knew exactly what happened? 

Clint got the sudden feeling that someone was watching him. 

He looked up into Scott's eyes. 

The sight of Scott made him draw in a painful breath as thoughts of the night before filled his mind again. 

"Are you okay?" Scott asked, with concern. 

"Why did that happen last night?" 

Scott's face turned red. 

"I-I don't k-know," he stuttered. 

Clint stood up so that he was face-to-face with Scott. He felt a sudden pull to get closer to him. He mentally told himself off. 

"Well, I think we should forget about it and move on. It happened. We can't take it back so we should make do with what we have. We were becoming good friends before all this happened and I don't want to ruin that." 

Scott smiled. 

"Neither do I." 

The two men shook hands, promising to move on and continue their friendship. 

Bucky, however, couldn't help but roll his eyes at the obvious way Clint and Scott couldn't keep their eyes off each other and the fact that he's going to have to find ten bucks to pay Tony. 

He was really hoping he was going to win that bet.


	28. Chapter twenty eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony goes to find Steve.

Tony led Bruce, Thor and Loki into the living room after being accosted by Sam and Wanda who were walking down the stairs. 

He caught Bucky's annoyed look that was directed at Clint and Scott. Tony couldn't keep away the smug smile that made its way onto his face. He was going to be ten bucks richer by the end of the day. 

Everyone gathered in the living room to either catch up with Thor and Bruce or to introduce themselves, in Hope and Cassie's case. 

Tony settled down and listened to the happy chatter around him. It was moments like these where he felt at peace and normal, of all things. 

Tony caught Rhodey looking around the room for someone. Tony looked around himself. 

Someone was missing. There were so many people in the house now that he hadn't even noticed that through all the excitement and introductions, Steve hadn't come downstairs. 

He waited for a couple more minutes, wondering if Steve was in the middle of something or in the toilet or doing something else mundane like that. 

He didn't want to think that something was wrong. 

When Steve still didn't come downstairs after five minutes, Tony excused himself to go and find him. 

He stopped outside Steve's bedroom and took a deep breath. He was scared about what he would find inside. 

Was it just that Steve wasn't aware about the new arrivals or was he purposefully not coming down to see them? 

Tony slowly opened the door and peered inside. 

He spotted Steve instantly, kneeling on the floor with his head pressed against the mirror. 

Tony closed the door behind him and sat next to Steve on the floor. 

Steve's eyes were screwed up as though he was in pain. 

Tony reached up and ran a hand through Steve's hair to calm him. He tried to ignore his panic when Steve's breathing escalated until he was struggling to breathe. 

"Hey," Tony whispered. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe, Steve. Steve?" 

Steve didn't respond to him.

"Steve?" He said, slightly louder. 

Tony gripped Steve's hair a bit harder and shook him. Then, again when Steve still didn't respond. 

"I don't know what to do," Tony thought. 

He desperately tried to break Steve out of it again. He really didn't want to leave Steve alone right now but it was looking like he was going to have to. 

Tony ran down the stairs as fast as he could, his heart beating a million miles an hour. 

He skidded into the living room. All eyes turned his way. Clint took one look at his face and pushed past him. 

He heard Clint running up the stairs as Bucky spoke. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I don't know," he said, panicking. 

"Alright, calm down, Tony," Bucky said, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Tony held onto him. 

"He's not breathing. He's not responding. I don't..." 

Bucky left with that, up the stairs. 

"Tony, what are you talking about?" Bruce asked.

Tony panicked some more. What was he supposed to say? He didn't even know what was happening upstairs. 

He was saved when he heard someone come back down the stairs. They weren't running so he breathed again. 

Clint put an arm around Tony's shoulders. 

"He's alright," Clint assured him. "He's asking for you." 

Tony nodded and left Clint to explain what was going on to the others. 

He entered Steve's room again. 

Steve was still in the same place but was breathing now, albeit heavily. Bucky was seated on the edge of Steve's bed, just close enough to provide comfort but far away enough that he wasn't crowding Steve. 

Tony breathed a silent sigh of relief and made his way over to Steve. 

Steve looked up at him as he approached. Tony felt his heart burst with happiness at the sight of Steve responsive again. 

He knelt down beside Steve and smiled. 

"Hey." 

Steve didn't speak but he did give Tony a weak smile.

He was vaguely aware of Bucky leaving the room as he ran a hand through Steve's hair. 

Steve closed his eyes and leaned towards Tony. Tony moved so that Steve could lean into his side. He held Steve close and played with his hair. Steve clung to him tightly. 

"It's okay. You scared the hell out of me but everything's okay." 

"I couldn't m-move. I c-couldn't..." 

Tony shushed him. 

"Don't think about it. You're safe. Come on. Remember who's coming? Bruce and Thor are here. They're waiting to see you downstairs." 

Steve looked up at him. 

"T-they're h-here?" 

Tony nodded. 

"Yeah. Do you want to come and see them?" 

Steve nodded. 

Tony got to his feet and then put his arm around Steve's waist when he swayed.

"Lets go. Yeah?" Tony asked. 

Steve nodded and took a minute to regain his footing. 

After a few moments, they made their way to the stairs. It took a while to be able to manoeuvre down the stairs without falling down them but eventually they got to the bottom in one piece. 

Steve hesitated before going into the living room. Tony waited silently for Steve to get himself together.

"I can't," Steve barely whispered. 

"Yes, you can," Tony whispered back. 

Tony moved so that he was right in front of Steve. He gently kissed Steve. 

"I'll be right there with you, okay. They're our friends. The last thing they'll do is judge." 

Steve laid his head on Tony's shoulder and took a few deep breaths. 

"Okay." 

Steve lifted up his head and looked Tony in the eyes. 

"Come on," Tony said, reaching out for Steve's hand. 

Steve took it and let himself be dragged into the living room.


	29. Chapter twenty nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve see his friends. Things don't exactly go according to plan.

Steve tried to ignore the panic rising in him as he followed Tony through the door into the living room. 

He was looking down at his feet and was trying desperately to slow his heart down.

He didn't want his friends to see him like this. In this weak state, where he had lost a lot of weight and his hair was slowly falling out in places.

Steve knew he should feel scared at the way he feels so light headed that he could drop at any moment but he felt more scared about what his friends would think of him. He was their Captain. He was supposed to be the strong one. All the time. 

Steve had been over this a million times in his head. He couldn't stop thinking about how he was letting his team down.

"Steve?"

That was Bruce's voice, right? He wasn't too sure anymore. The voice sounded too far away.

Someone was gripping Steve's hand, trying to bring him back to the present. He clung to the hand like it was his rock. His anchor to the outside world.

He pulled himself away from the mindless ramblings inside his head and looked up.

Everyone was there. Looking at him.

He felt a strong feeling of embarrassment and tried to leave the room.

But the hand stopped him. 

Steve looked to his left and saw that the hand belonged to Tony. Oh, yes. He remembers taking Tony's hand now.

"Steve, are you okay?"

Steve looked for Thor as it was his voice that he heard. He was sure that Thor hadn't been standing that close to him just a second ago. Or maybe he had been...

Steve opened his mouth to reply to Thor... but nothing came out.

Thor could see that he was struggling.

"It's okay," Thor reassured him. "You don't need to speak for us."

Thor was so nice. All his friends were so nice. They didn't deserve him.

Steve just nodded and looked to Tony for help.

Tony looked a bit lost and confused but he managed to give Steve an encouraging smile.

Steve turned back to Thor and was relieved to hear that when this time he opened his mouth, words actually came out.

"It's good to have you back," he said, a bit shy.

"It is good to see you, Steve," Thor replied, with a smile.

His bearings were coming back more now and Steve realised that his friends were no longer watching him.

Sam, Clint and Bucky were arguing over the remote. Wanda and Hope were talking. Cassie had gone back to playing with her toys and Scott had joined Cassie on the floor.

The only people who were still watching him were the five new people and Tony. He didn't mind Tony keeping an eye on him and the others gazes were understandable.

However, Rhodey looked away after he got a glare from Tony and Vision politely looked away after a moment.

Bruce looked at him in the way a doctor would when trying to figure out what is wrong with him. Actually, that's probably exactly what Bruce was doing.

Thor was concerned and hadn't moved from his place, standing a few feet in front of Steve.

The person's look that surprised him the most was Loki's. The god was looking at him with a look that screamed he was worried about something. But there was also fear behind Loki's eyes.

It was strange. Was there really something that wrong with him that someone like Loki, who didn't care about him at all, would be worried.

After a minute of watching him, Loki looked away and stared at something across the room. The fear was more prominent on his face now. Steve looked over in the direction that Loki had been looking in. But there was nothing there.

When Steve looked back at Loki, that expression had gone from his face as though it was never there. Steve wondered whether that was the case and he was just making this seem worse than it actually is.

"Are you going to stand there all day, brother?" Loki quietly asked Thor.

Thor flushed with embarrassment, finally realising how long he had been standing there, staring.

The argument over the remote ended when the remote got thrown across the room. Steve caught it easily and passed it to Tony.

Tony turned the TV off and glared when Sam, Clint and Bucky started protesting.

The room went quiet again until Bruce spoke.

"Are you sure you're okay, Steve?" 

Steve never thought he had answered the question the first time he was asked it but he seemed to lose time a lot lately and forget about conversations that had happened.

"I'm fine." Steve winced at how tense his voice was. Now it was obvious to everyone that he wasn't fine.

Bruce frowned but didn't say anything.

Steve suddenly felt like he was in a therapist's office, being judged for things he had no control over.

Steve's chest suddenly closed up and he couldn't breathe. He tried not to show it though.

But it was becoming too hard.

The panic was rising again and he could feel himself blacking out.

"It was your fault," a voice whispered in his ear. That imaginary voice that kept following him, tormenting him in his worst moments.

He knew what the voice was referring to. 

He quickly ripped himself away from Tony. He didn't want to try and hurt him again. He couldn't. If something happened to Tony, it would destroy him.

He heard people talking, possibly shouting, in the background but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

He was desperately trying to fight of a flashback that was threatening to take a hold of him. He couldn't succumb to it though. His friends were in this room. He couldn't hurt them.

Steve lifted his shaking hands to lift them over his head, shielding himself from the outside world. Trying to protect the people he loved.

But strong hands grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from his head. It took the person a few tries as Steve was holding tightly onto his hair and the person didn't want to risk hurting him and ripping out more of his hair.

The panic became worse then.

"No! Let go of me! No! Please!"

There were people around him, talking to him, but it was meaningless. He couldn't focus on anything except the flashback that slammed full force into his head.

He was in that HYDRA base in Siberia again. He was standing above Tony. His shield held aloft. He brought the shield straight down. Into Tony's neck. 

He watched as blood wept from the wound he had created. He watched as the light left Tony's eyes.

No! No, that never happened!

"Yes it did," the sinister voice in his head said. "You're living in a dream world. This is your reality."

Steve shook his head. No! No, it isn't true!

Steve stared down at the lifeless body of Tony Stark, still shaking his head.

He waited for the moment when he would awake from his dream. Because that's all it was right? A dream?

He waited and waited. But nothing happened. He didn't wake up. 

No! This couldn't be real!

Steve was starting to feel the cold of the Siberian air press in on him.

He shivered. 

The voice was right. He was living in a dream world!

He screamed.

That's all he could do.

He poured every bit of fear, worry, sadness, helplessness and anger into that scream.

Suddenly, he felt warmth flow through him. 

His first thought was Wanda's magic was waking him up. Maybe he wasn't living in a dream world after all.

However, the magic was different. Wanda had been in his head so many times that he knew what her magic felt like. This was different.

This magic felt older and knew exactly what it was doing. It wasn't wandering around his brain until it found something to fix, like Wanda's did.

This magic also felt nicer, kinder, comforting.

Steve was slowly brought out of his mind.

The first thing he noticed was that it was Thor who was holding his wrists, to stop him from hurting himself. 

Bucky and Tony were on either side of him and Clint was standing just behind Tony's shoulder.

He still felt the magic coursing through him, keeping him steady.

Steve looked around for Wanda but she was no longer in the room. Neither were Scott, Hope or Cassie.

The guilt at scaring them all forced it's way into his head but the magic chased it back out.

He was intrigued now.

Steve looked around and his eyes fell on Loki.

The trickster's eyes were glowing an unnatural, bright green and there was a faint green glow surrounding his hands.

Oh, so it was Loki inside his head. He wasn't sure whether to feel worried or relieved at that.

Loki smirked. Son of a bitch was reading his mind! Oh well, there were important things to think about now.

Like how everyone that was left in the room was looking at him with an expression that clearly said 'I want an explanation'.

He sighed and looked around at all of them.

"Well?"


	30. Chapter thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally opens up.

Tony looked around at the others. No one seemed really sure what to say.

Watching Steve break down and scream like that had been one of the scariest things Tony had ever seen.

To be honest, he still wasn't entirely sure what he had seen.

"Steve," Clint started, hesitantly. "What the hell was that?"

Steve just shrugged and got to his feet.

Tony and Bucky shared a look. Something obviously wasn't right here.

The easiest option was to blame Loki's magic for the complete apathy they were getting from Steve right now but he could see from the look on Loki's face, that he was surprised too.

"Steve, answer Clint's question," Bucky demanded.

"It was nothing." Tony could see that Steve was starting to get defensive now. Bucky looked like he wanted to argue but he obviously saw that defensiveness too and stopped himself. Clint didn't.

"Nothing?! I'm not going to take that as an answer right now. I mean, we've had some tough nights but nothing like what you just did has ever happened before. So you better start explaining now."

Steve just stared at Clint and didn't respond.

"Okay, Steve? Why don't you sit down for a minute?" Tony suggested, looking to the others for help.

Bucky nodded and shoved Steve over to a chair when he didn't move.

There was a blank look on Steve's face, as he sat, that rivalled Bucky's blank look. Tony sucked in a breath and forced himself to calm down.

Steve was going to be okay. Or at least, that's what Tony kept telling himself over and over.

"I don't know what you're all so worried about. I'm fine," Steve said.

That statement made Tony angry and a few other people in the room were as well.

"Prove to me that you're fine," Tony said, "because right now? I don't see it. I don't understand why you would say that."

Steve didn't answer.

"He doesn't think he deserves your help," Loki answered for him.

Steve didn't glare or sigh or do anything to suggest he was angry at Loki for reading his mind and telling them all something he obviously didn't want them to know.

"Is that true?" Tony asked Steve.

Steve nodded. 

"Well, you're wrong," Clint said, rather bluntly.

"What did you see?" Thor asked. Everyone looked a bit confused by the question.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"When you were screaming. What were you seeing that was making you scream?" 

Tony looked at Steve and saw the way he froze. He wanted to back him up and let him at least have a moment before they grilled him about things like that. But Tony put his feelings aside. If Steve just told them what was wrong they might be able to help or comfort him better.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Tony sighed. They weren't going to get anything from him. Not while he was like this, an apathetic shell. It kind of pissed him off that Loki, of all people, probably knew what was upsetting Steve so much and he didn't but oh well.

"You should tell them," a quiet voice said. After a moment, he realised that Loki had been the one to say it. 

He was looking at Steve with a mix of sympathy and fear. So whatever was happening inside Steve's head was that bad that Loki was scared of it. Great!

Everyone was still and silent as they watched Steve look over at Loki. 

Steve nodded and took a deep breath. 

"I have... dreams and flashbacks about..." he looked up at Tony and then down at the ground. "Siberia."

Tony felt all the air leave his lungs. 

"The dreams always end differently to how it really happened. Sometimes I end up murdering Tony, sometimes Bucky as well. They're the dreams that make me so violent. I panic." 

Steve looked up at Tony then.

"I'm sorry I tried to hurt you."

Tony let his tears fall at the vulnerable voice.

"It's okay," Tony replied.

Steve looked back down at the floor.

"The flashbacks usually just show it how it happened, without anything changing. I just get left with the guilt and the fear of what could have happened. But that last one was different. It was like one of my dreams but I was awake. After I killed Tony, I thought I was going to wake back up. But I didn't. I thought... I thought that I had... I'm not sure what's real anymore."

Tony looked around at the others. None of them were equipped to deal with something like this.

"You don't know what's real?" Bruce repeated.

Bruce had stayed quiet while Steve was screaming. He had a thoughtful look on his face.

Steve nodded at the question and avoided everyone's eyes.

"PTSD," Bruce mouthed at Tony.

Tony was inclined to believe he was right. But Tony had had PTSD before, still did really, and he never got violent and completely lost himself like Steve did.

"Steve?" Tony said. "The dreams. Why do you become violent? I don't understand that."

Steve stiffened and looked up at him.

There was so much pain and guilt in his eyes.

"I can't..."

Tony kneeled down in front of him. 

"We're not going to judge you. Whatever you say won't leave this room."

Steve scoffed.

"You will judge me. You'll be scared of me."

"Why?" Tony pushed.

"Because I wanted to hurt you."

Tony felt nauseous. It took every piece of his willpower not to move away.

"Every time I kill you in my dream," Steve continued, leaning slightly towards Tony, "I enjoy it. But the bloodlust, it doesn't disappear. If I hadn't been held down the other day, I would have killed you."

Tony slowly stood up and backed away a couple of steps.

This couldn't be Steve. No way. The Steve he knew wasn't a killer. And if he did kill someone, he didn't enjoy it and want to go down that route. One that Tony can't follow.

Tony took a deep breath and tore his eyes away from Steve.

Everyone was silent.

He couldn't cope with this anymore.

Tony left the room.


	31. Chapter thirty one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries to deal with what he has just learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back with a new chapter! Wooh!

Tony barged the back door out of his way and stepped out into the back garden.

He took a deep breath and just focused on the cold air blowing into him.

After a few minutes, his breathing stopped being erratic and he was able to focus on the information he had been given.

It was a shock but also not a surprise.

After the way that Steve had reacted to him after his nightmare the other day, Tony had a suspicious feeling that there was worse to come.

"He can't help it."

Tony turned around to see Loki standing behind him.

"I know," Tony replied. "Doesn't make it any easier though."

Loki walked forward to stand next to him and smiled. 

"What do I do?" Tony whispered, helplessly.

"Don't abandon him. He needs you right now. He's scared of himself. He doesn't want to hurt you but he can't control himself."

"Reminds me of Bucky," Tony muttered.

Loki nodded. "Maybe that's the best way to think about it. You were scared of him, still are I would hazard to say, but the two of you seem to be good friends now. Look past the fact that he can kill you."

"That's not exactly reassuring. It's also quite scary knowing you can go inside other people's minds." 

Loki scoffed. "I can't look inside people's minds. I can regulate emotions. It takes up too much energy to read someone's mind." 

"But you can do it." 

"With a lot of practise. I've never really seen the allure of going into other people's minds. It's more interesting to trick people into changing their minds themselves than not giving them a choice." 

Tony nodded. He wasn't sure whether he was happy or even more scared by what Loki said. 

Tony's mind went back to Steve. Loki was right. Steve needed him. He needed all of his friends. Tony had never ran away from danger before so why should he change that now? 

"Thanks, Rudolph."

Tony left, smirking at the confused look on Loki's face at the nickname. 

"Hey," Clint welcomed him as he walked back in to the house. "You alright?" 

"Yeah." 

Tony noticed that the sofa was empty. 

"Where's Steve?" 

"He went catatonic shortly after you left. Thor carried him upstairs to his room." 

Tony looked around at everyone else. They all looked quite shaken, some scared. 

"Guys," Tony started, after Thor and Loki had joined them, "we're going to forget about what he just said, for now. He needs our help and we need to give it to him. He's trapped inside his own mind and we're the only ones who can help him escape. So ignore the fact that you're scared because this isn't about us." 

Tony gave them all a pointed look and then left the room to go upstairs. He stopped outside Steve's room with his hand on the door handle. He took a few calming breaths before slowly opening the door. 

Tony spotted Steve instantly, sitting on his bed with his hands gripping his hair. Tony made his way over and sat on the bed next to Steve with his back up against the headboard. 

"I'm so sorry," he heard Steve whisper. 

Tony reached out and carefully pried Steve's hands out of his hair. He continued to hold one of them as he ran the other through Steve's hair. Steve leaned into his hand. Tony moved Steve's head so that it was laying on his shoulder. 

"You don't have to be sorry," Tony whispered back, "I understand. You don't have to worry about me being scared of you or leaving you. I've got you, okay?" 

"You should be scared." 

"Come on. You know me. Never one to walk away in the face of danger. I mean, look at Loki and I a few years ago. I actually offered the guy a drink while he was threatening me!" 

Steve chuckled and leaned more of his weight onto him. Tony continued to stroke his hair. Tony heard a sniff and realised that Steve was crying. He tightened his arms around Steve as he released a sob. 

"It's okay." 

Tony held Steve as he cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe that it's been almost two months since I posted a new chapter. I'm really sorry. If you guys want to punch me, you can.
> 
> To make it up to you guys, I'm going to give you a little bit of an overview of the last nine chapters. There is fights, heartbreak, revelations and a plot twist to come. 
> 
> Expect the next chapter by the end of this week. Be ready because the fights are coming first!


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